Long Distance Relationship Success Stories From Around The World!
One of the best possible pep talks any LDR couple can have, is hearing long distance relationship success stories from other couples that have been in the exact some position and seen it through!
In this section, we're chatting with real couples about how they tackled the distance head on, to give you the best tips and advice.
You'll hear about their struggles and triumphs, their forks in the road and how they persevered through it all.
We hope you enjoy them!
Long Distance Relationship Success Stories
1. Ashlie & Silas
In this episode we talk to Ashlie and Silas who have closed the distance and now live in Missouri, USA!
You'll hear about:
Nate [00:00:00]: Ashlie and Silas, thank you for being a part of the first edition of the Lasting the Distance Podcast. Welcome.
Silas: Thank you.
Nate [00:00:05]: I want to start with a little about your story and how you guys met.
Ashlie: We met online through Naruto Online, which is a video game. It’s like a role play game.
Nate [00:00:17]: Very cool. How long ago was this?
Ashlie: Almost two years ago.
Nate [00:00:21]: Oh, wow. Okay, that’s cool. So you got on the game and you started... one of you started a chat and the other one replied.
Ashlie: Yeah. We were in the same group, guild, what was it?
Silas: Yeah. We were in the same little ninja clan, and I had started it in a way to introduce new players to this game and answer questions. Very, very active community, lot of work [going on 00:00:41].
Ashlie: Because of you.
Silas: Ashlie jumped in there and we started talking, and it wasn’t long before we were joking around like every day. We were a part of each other’s lives like every evening. I had been playing for a while and I was getting tired of playing but then, I would sign on specifically to talk to her, to guffaw.
Ashlie: Then eventually, he gave me his number.
Silas: Yeah. From there, everything just started falling into place.
Nate [00:01:06]: Right. So it didn't take too long before you guys were pretty comfortable together.
Silas: Yeah, it happened pretty quick.
Nate [00:01:12]: So when did you realize that it was something more than just a friendship and I guess you had feelings for each other?
Ashlie: When we were talking every night up until like 4 AM.
Silas: It wasn’t super clear, you know? There was a build there, a slow one. So at one point, you're just like, “Oh, man. I'm really looking forward to talking to this person tonight.” Every night, it seems, I'm really looking forward doing this [inaudible 00:01:38] signing on and talking or shooting me another text. From there, you're just like, “Okay, so there's something happening there. I feel this.”
Nate [00:01:49]: So what was that transition like? How did it come up when you were like, “Okay, so what are?” Or when you became an item, I guess.
Silas: That was me, right? That was the first jump right in. I'm like, I was testing the waters. She was so nervous, so awkward.
Ashlie: It was complicated at first.
Silas: It really was but...
Silas: Yeah, no. I came out with this and over time, it took a little while before we [did admit 00:02:14] feelings.
Ashlie: Yeah. You were clearly there though.
Silas: Yeah. Any time I would start like, “Okay, maybe she's not interested,” or something in that nature, there’d be that little hint, that little spark and I'd be like, “Okay, so she is. She's feeling it. I get it.”
Ashlie: Saying it without saying it.
Nate [00:02:34]: Right. That’s awesome. So how long were you long distance before you struck up the conversation to have your first visit?
Silas: I guess a little over a year.
Ashlie: Well, no. We were trying to meet up around October but then his son had to have surgery and he was out of work, so it was almost a full year after we had met when he and I met in person.
Silas: Yeah. We had met and things were cruising along for me like financially in our life all right. Then there was a snafu, so to speak. My son had to have surgery, and I left my job. That was a rough period. So we were supposed to meet what, like October? Yeah, right. We were supposed to meet up in October. It ended up being March, by the time. Everything was all set and planned. So by the time we first met each other in slightly over a year.
Nate [00:03:24]: What was that like when you first met each other? What was the...?
Silas: She ran right in my arms. I was [a fighter 00:03:29] for a number of years, and she jacked my jaw. It felt like a solid jab to the face. It’s so hard, it bruised her shoulder.
Ashlie:Yeah, my collarbone [crosstalk 00:03:38].
Silas: She was super excited. I was so nervous. The closer I got, I was like, “Oh, this is a big deal. I'm getting scared.” Then we finally met up in [inaudible 00:03:51], Illinois.
Ashlie: Yeah, it’s halfway for us.
Silas: At first, there's that moment where you're just trying to wrap your head around it. You're right here, right now with this person.
Ashlie: Touch them.
Silas: Yeah, you could reach out and there they are. Then as that subsided, maybe a couple of hours, then it’s all hugs, loves, and kisses, taking in as much as you can. Every moment, just wallowing in it.
Nate [00:04:15]: Yeah, for sure. You brought up then that you met in the middle. You said in Illinois.
Nate[00:04:20]: So what was the thought process behind that rather than going to where one of you was living? Why was the choice for meeting up in the middle?
Silas: And it bought us a few extra hours.
Silas: Together, you know. We were [inaudible 00:04:33] for like five days.
Ashlie: It was like four.
Silas: Four days, yeah.
Ashlie: Three full days and then one half.
Silas: Yeah. [inaudible 00:04:41] for a little bit of time together.
Nate [00:04:42]: Where was that in Illinois?
Ashlie: It’s like three hours from Indianapolis.
Silas: Yeah, it’s [inaudible 00:04:48]. It’s a small town, a small junction there.
Nate [00:04:53]: Had you been there before or was this an opportunity for you to explore somewhere new together?
Silas: Yeah, that was our first time there. We ate a lot. But it seemed to be a lot of what was happening there.
Ashlie: It’s all there is there to do.
Nate [00:05:03]: Oh nice, very nice. Just circling back to before you mentioned about your son’s surgery, I guess that can be a pretty tough time for anyone especially in, I guess, being in a long-distance relationship [inaudible 00:05:14] and when you're going through that process and normally, your partner is with you to help you out. How was Ashlie helpful and supportive in that time when your son was going this period?
Silas: She was helpful in a huge way. When I first heard about it, I succumbed to stress. I had recently lost my job and now, here’s this expensive surgery [in front of us 00:05:32]. I snapped on it. I was just done with everything.
Anybody who’s ever been in a long-distance relationship, they know that there are these moments, there are these periods in time whenever you’re not just doubtful but you’re looking at the future and you’re like, “Well, when is this going to happen? I'm never going to pursue this. This is never going to become a thing. If it does, [inaudible 00:05:52] too complicated, the move, the money it would take.” That stress was the straw. So all of that hit me all at once as well, and I snapped at her. It is brutal. It is pretty ugly. It wasn’t me like yelling at her or anything. I mean just the time, took us five days.
Ashlie: Yeah, it was like a week.
Silas: Yeah. It was almost a week we were apart, and it was just awful. It was brutal and heartbreaking. After that, I admitted that I was wrong. I entirely expected her never speak to me again. I was under so much stress, and I'm sorry. It’s a lot of it. I wasn’t particularly harsh, but I was very blunt. I really regretted all of that. So I told her, I was like, “I apologize.” Again...
Ashlie: You’re mean afterwards, too.
Silas: Yeah. Yeah, I was mean. But I was trying to distance myself. I apologized and told her I didn't mean anything. I was overwhelmed in my life. I told her I entirely expected never to hear from you again or any of this, and she forgave me and we talked and that started the ball rolling again. After that, I felt a lot more comfortable. Before I got to that point, coming to her and speaking about the things that were stressing me out, things that were happening in my life, she was always that ear. She was always there to listen, to joke around, to make that lighthearted joke to give me that laugh when I needed it.
Nate [00:07:14]: Yeah. She was always there to make you laugh, make you smile.
Silas: Yeah. I see that as the relationship’s first trial. That was our first real trial. Since then...
Ashlie: We didn't get through that. We [inaudible 00:07:24].
Silas: Yeah. We were over at that point. That was a real crossroads and we picked the path together.
Nate [00:07:32]: So while you were apart, what was something that you guys did that, I guess, helped your relationship? What was something that you really latched on to that you thought that really helped in terms of you two coming closer together, even being afar?
Ashlie: Nightly Skype chats.
Nate [00:07:44]: So that constant communication.
Ashlie: Yeah. It was like every night before bed, we always talk after we get home from work.
Silas: We’d go out of our way. I was working 16-hour days. [inaudible 00:07:53] amount of time trying to pay of this medical bill and everything. I would come home, I have just enough time to get some sleep and then go back to work, and we would still make that time.
Ashlie: Even if it was only like five or ten minutes.
Silas: Yeah. Any time that we had whatsoever to a point of like nodding off on the phone. Just making sure [inaudible 00:08:13].
Ashlie: That was you.
Silas: Yeah, that was usually me.
Nate [00:08:19]: I’ve definitely been there. One of the things that I've said that really helped Lolo and I was the consistent communication and setting up that routine, but it didn't feel obviously in this situation when you want to be talking to your partner so you don't feel like it’s a chore or a routine you want to do. You're willing to do anything to make that happen .
Silas: That’s very accurate, yeah.
Nate [00:08:42]: Yeah, even if it is five minutes or three hours. It really didn't matter as long as you connected, and you kept that up even if it was that five minutes. You were going to smile for that five minutes which is going to be a real plus and get you through whatever you needed to get through.
Silas: That’s exactly right.
Ashlie: We’re pretty consistent about that, too. [inaudible 00:08:57]
Nate [00:09:00]: So you said you use Skype. Was there any other tools you used or messaging apps or anything else, even outside of that that you might’ve connected with? You said you did start with a game. Were there any other games you played or you continued to play the same game?
Silas: There are a few. There were a few games that we’d play together.
Ashlie: [Crosstalk 00:09:14]
Silas: Yeah. We play some phone games together, but it got more computer games. We would talk through the digital messenger system. We would...
Ashlie: While being on the phone.
Silas: While on the phone. We would be Skypeing or Facebook Messenger chat and we would be speaking to each other while playing the game [crosstalk 00:09:36].
Nate [00:09:39]: You said you’ve gone through... Silas, you went through a bit of a struggle with your son with his surgery and then that really tested your relationship. Is there anything outside of that knowing how that went down and it obviously turned out to be a positive thing. Is there anything that you guys wish you knew before starting a long-distance relationship, you wish someone would’ve told you before entering into this?
Ashlie: I can’t really think of anything, personally.
Silas: Patience, I wish that I had... somebody informed me of the patience that it would require. You don’t have a lot of the tools that people have in a regular you're there every night talking to each other relationship. You can’t reach out and touch that person and there are times that as males, we want that. The masculine needs, male body that need to connect and feel that this person that you’re with is with you and fulfilling physical needs, you know? That’s a challenge in a long-distance relationship. That you have limited resources and you are reliant upon technology to maintain that relationship. You remember how many days we went with no internet?
Ashlie: I went with no internet.
Silas: Yeah. But there will [inaudible 00:10:46] no internet, barely little ability to communicate beyond text and she was out there, too. So phone calls weren’t really an option.
Ashlie: I had to sit in my window to get any network service to even video chatting.
Nate [00:11:01]: Oh, wow. You make a great point because yeah, patience is definitely something you need because if you've got plans to visit each other, even closer distance, it’s normally not two weeks away. It’s months or 18 months or sometimes even longer, and you definitely need patience. That is for damn sure. It’s a really good point.
Silas: And there is very little information informing people about the patience that would be required. They’re like, “Well, [take your 00:11:24] stride. Relax on the relationship.” but nobody was ever like, “Oh, just chill. Chill, brother.” You know?
Nate [00:11:32]: So now, you've closed the distance. You guys are living together. So what’s that like? How was life now that you've transitioned into a regular relationship?
Silas: Love it.
Ashlie: Yeah, I do too.
Ashlie: Unless he falls asleep on the couch so then there's nowhere to sit [inaudible 00:11:47].
Silas: Yeah, we've got the one couch I’ll fall asleep on it.
Nate [00:11:53]: I guess when something like that, so you wouldn’t have... Ashlie, you wouldn’t have really come across that because you didn't live together. So there's certain traits that you both have that you don’t know about and you have to get used to. So what was one of those things that you didn’t expect to come off that did and how did you deal with it?
Silas: We were pretty well prepared.
Ashlie: Yeah, we had talked about that prior.
Silas: Not only did we talk about it, so whenever we took vacations to see each other, we took a number of [inaudible 00:12:19] fairly short span. We spent long periods together in excess of five days. [inaudible 00:12:24] products, that’s the best I come up with, the number of hair care products.
Ashlie: I don't have that many.
Silas: No, it’s not that many.
Ashlie: All the hair.
Silas: The hair. That’s a good one. There is hair everywhere. Every shirt, washed or not, that I put on, I'm pulling hair off of.
Ashlie: But it was mine and the dogs.
Silas: Hers and my own.
Nate [00:12:47]: Yeah, I can totally agree with that. That’s one thing that I didn’t know was going to happen, for sure. When we met at college and then I didn't really see that side. But then when we went long distance, obviously for 18 months, I didn't see it at all. Then when we actually did finally move in together, I think it takes a little time to creep in but finally in your place for two or three weeks and then the hair starts to build. Even if you clean, it starts to build up and you think, “Wow.” It’s like just in the fibers of your socks. It’s crazy, yeah. That was something I definitely had to get used to.
Silas: But no, we were actually pretty fortunate. Neither of us really had a lot of small things that the other didn't already experience during those days together.
Ashlie: Other than the shower curtain.
Silas: The shower curtain. We have a thing about the thermostat and the shower curtain. She likes it a lot colder than I do. I'm a manager of a restaurant. I work in a hot kitchen, so I'm pretty prone to getting very cold. She works in a CVS where she's running around and she's always hot. So she likes it quite cold. So we've got a 10 degree difference on our comfort levels.
Nate [00:13:50]: So how do you deal with that? Is it just a point where you have to fight for the thermostat or you've come to an agreement?
Nate [00:13:56]: Have you met in the middle?
Silas: Yeah. During the day, we’ll turn it up so that I'm a little more comfortable. Then at night, we try to keep it a little lower although as she falls asleep and I'm up, I'm sneaking the thermostat.
Ashlie: The upstairs bedroom, so it gets really hot.
Silas: It gets hot up there.
Nate [00:14:09]: Oh, that’s good. At least, you've learned to compromise. That's a good thing.
Silas: The thermostat has been our fondest one. We have a lot of fun fighting over it.
Ashlie: The new one is the shower curtain.
Silas: Yeah, we have a new one. The shower curtain. I put it on one side, she puts it on another. It’s small things like that. Also, it’s just fun stuff, you know.
Nate [00:14:27]: It’s interesting that you say that, that it’s fun stuff because those are the things you don't get to deal with when you're apart, right? So when you actually look at them sometimes, they might be trivial things but you actually... they can make you smile to be like, “Oh, we actually have to deal with this stuff now because we’re together.” So it can be really cool.
Silas: It’s also a constant reminder that they’re there. Any time you see the shower curtain is in a certain spot, you're like, “Babe did that.” That’s too low and you're cold, you got to grab a sweater, it’s like, “She did that.”
Ashlie: It’s a whole lot easier to warm yourself up than cool your [inaudible 00:14:59].
Nate [00:15:03]: Nice, I like it. Debates.
Silas: Yeah, I think it’s really sweet. I really like that. I like that about us.
Nate [00:15:13]: So you guys are in Missouri.
Nate [00:15:16]: Silas, that’s where you were living or you are living. But Ashlie, where were you originally?
Ashlie: Ohio, Southeast Ohio.
Nate [00:15:23]: Okay, cool. So what was the decision process to moving to Missouri?
Ashlie: He has kids.
Nate [00:15:29]: Right.
Silas: I'm divorced with children. I couldn't leave the area. I cant take the children with me and take them away from their mother.
Ashlie: And one’s autistic.
Silas: And my daughter’s autistic, which is a big no-no, can’t leave state.
Nate [00:15:43]: Those are very, very good reasons.
Silas: She actually has some really good points on the transition between Ohio and here in the relationship. [inaudible 00:15:50] questions.
Ashlie: You put me on the spotlight.
Nate [00:15:54]: [Take it away 00:15:55].
Ashlie: It was difficult at first because the first day that I got here, it was raining and we moved with a dog, so the window is down and rain got in the window. So the first day I was here, my window would roll down, it wouldn’t roll up, and we didn't have a bed, and it was super stressful.
Nate [00:16:18]: So what did you do in that situation, when you didn't have a bed?
Ashlie: Well, we spent quite a large amount of money on a mattress. We don't have a frame, so the mattress is sitting on the floor but [inaudible 00:16:29].
Nate [00:16:30]: That’s all right. At least, you've got somewhere to sleep. That’s the most important part. At least you're not on couches, right? This is now a place where you get to sleep together, which is a good thing.
Ashlie: Yeah. It was like down to the wire. The mattress store was getting ready to close and we had to figure out how we get this mattress up.
Silas: Yeah. It was the very end of the day.
Ashlie: It was like 30 minutes from the mattress store closing. It was [inaudible 00:16:50].
Nate [00:16:52]: Was that your first purchase together?
Silas: It’s our first large one, yeah. We had small, small little purchases, and that was a good one, yeah.
Nate [00:16:59]: What was the process like to actually deciding? I know you said you had 30 minutes left to [inaudible 00:17:04] but how did that go in terms of did you disagree on the hardness or the softness of the mattress or was it just a position that we need this now.
Ashlie: We compromised on it.
Ashlie: It wasn’t a really hard, like he can sleep on the floor and be perfectly fine. I like it soft, period.
Silas: Yeah. We had to find something that was a nice middle ground for the both of us. Most things in relationship are like, it’s all compromise. So it had to be hard enough that I wouldn’t wake up with neck cramps or pain in my lower back and it had to be soft enough that she wouldn’t have to go through the same. The other options were like Tempur-Pedic beds which were thousands [crosstalk 00:17:37] we couldn’t afford that. So we compromised on something that had support but also soft enough for her. It was kinda, “All right, new mattress. It’s got to...”
Ashlie: Break it in.
Silas: Break it in.
Nate [00:17:53]: Oh, very nice. So nice.
Ashlie: [inaudible 00:17:55] him.
Silas: We've done a wonderful job breaking it in.
Nate [00:18:01]: For other couples that are thinking about going into a long-distance relationship, what would be the one piece of advice that you’d give them?
Ashlie: Communicate with each other. Like if you're feeling a sort of way, don't hide it. Tell them how you feel. Don't try to work it out yourself. Just tell them.
Silas: That doubt creeps in, doubt, stress of just every day life, and then it’s difficult because at the end of the night, you’re deeply in love with this person but you’re in bed alone, you’re going grocery shopping alone. It’s rough, long distance. It’s very hard. The communication is so important. And whenever we came together, we also found, I found from previous relationships, that the relationship is enhanced by the communication, by the skills that we [crosstalk 00:18:44] through the long distance.
We speak better. We immediately, you spot these signs just because you’ve been so open and honest in communication, you spot these signs like, “Oh, their feelings are hurt.” Or “Okay, they’re angry. They’re angry right now. They’re upset” You spot them all that much faster, all that much easier. I believe that the instinct is to go hot and heavy in a relationship whenever you really care about somebody. Whenever you're in a long-distance relationship, you don't necessarily have that option. So you have to side on the communication. Through communication, through that communication base, you can have this beautiful friendship. She’s my best friend. I would take her everywhere. I want her with me.
Ashlie: You really have to build the foundation to grow a bond. That’s cheesy.
Nate [00:19:34]: As cheesy as that is, but you are 100% correct. That’s definitely true.
Silas: I’d also advise critical thinking. You have a problem in this distance [inaudible 00:19:45] starting off. So how can you navigate this distance together? What are the steps that you need as two individuals to assure the desired outcome of this distance? I knew for us, I didn't want to be without you but I also knew I don't want to be stuck in this several year-long, never ending distance. So for us, a big priority was put on making the time to see each other, to take these little trips even if it was just a day or two, which usually turn into more.
Ashlie: Yeah. I think [inaudible 00:20:19].
Silas: Yeah. We had one trip that went exactly as planned because we were both broke and planning on moving in a month.
Ashlie: That was August, the month before I moved.
Silas: Yeah. Critical thinking and communication, those are the two strongest skills you can possibly use to battle the distance.
Nate [00:20:38]: Yeah, for sure. I couldn’t agree more. Well, Ashlie, Silas, thank you very much. Thank you for being a part of the first episode. I really appreciate it and for sure, our listeners are going to appreciate it, too. So thank you.
Ashlie: Thank you.
Silas: Thank you very much. This was fun.
3. Irene & Brian