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Stress in a Long Distance Relationship: 10 Helpful Questions

Lisa McKay | Updated: October 11, 2023

Stress in a long distance relationship is not only VERY real but more common than you think.

In a split second, you can go from being invincible to feeling like the walls are caving in.

We were definitely stressed by:

  • Staying as connected as possible
  • Figuring out when the next visit would be
  • Plus regular things that pop up in life

If these situations compound, they’ll have a big impact on your mental health and relationship.

We’ve put together a few questions that will help you acknowledge what’s happening and how you’re going to work through it together!

dealing with stress in a long distance relationship pinterest image

How stress in a long distance relationship relationship shows itself

Many couples communicate quite well when life’s skies are sunny and it is all smooth sailing. However, when clouds roll in and the wind picks up, it can be a different story.

When you or your partner (or both) are tired and stressed, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise as quickly as summer storms.

You might find yourself getting annoyed more easily, and arguing frequently, or speaking to your partner in a short tone.

On the other hand, you can find yourself confused and frustrated by your partner’s moods, words, and actions. You can feel helpless to know how to approach them (especially if you’re far apart), or what to do or say.

Then what do we tend to do when we feel stressed and overwhelmed?

We often reach for things that bring us comfort (familiar foods and routines). Or escape into entertainment or games. Or try to avoid the things that are stressing us out.

We often to spend all our “coping energy” on what we need to do to get through the day, and then take out our fatigue and frustrations on those closest to us.

Either way, the very relationship that you count on to help sustain you can become another draining source of tension, right when you need help the most.

How to stop stress destroying your long distance relationship

One of the best things you can do to make these times easier is to discuss these dynamics with your partner when you are not tired or stressed.

The better you understand how each of you typically thinks or feels during times of stress and pressure, the better you will be able to encourage and support each other during those extra-stressful times. Yes, even if you’re far apart.

10 questions to help with long distance relationship stress

These questions are designed to help you learn more about how each of you responds to stress and pressure. Take your time with these and really delve into the details! Discussing these questions on good days (before you’re all stressed out) will yield big dividends on bad days. I promise.

  1. What are the biggest sources of stress or pressure in your life right now?
  2. Where is the biggest mismatch in your life right now between what you believe and how you are acting?
  3. Do you feel “out of balance” in any area of life right now? What are those areas?
  4. When you feel stressed, how does that show up in how you interact with other people?
  5. When you are under pressure, what are some of your “early warning” signs of stress?
  6. When you become aware of your early warning signs, what do you do to help prevent your stress from growing?
  7. What are some of your typical self-care and coping strategies when you are stressed, tired, or anxious? (Make sure you think about coping strategies you use that are “good for you,” and those that “aren’t so good for you.”)
  8. What are one or two things that help you manage stress and pressure that you want to be able to do more often?
  9. When you are struggling, how can your partner best help you? What are good ways to approach you and good questions to ask you when you’re stressed?
  10. Since caring for yourself is foundational to being able to care well for your important relationships, how can your partner encourage you to take care of yourself?

How Will You Handle Stress in a Long Distance Relationship?

Don’t get me wrong, stress is not always bad for us.

Without some pressure in our lives, we stagnate. We need some challenges in life to help focus us, motivate us, and keep us stretching, learning, and growing.

However, too much stress can overwhelm us—at least temporarily.

Most of us in long distance relationships have experienced times when we felt close to breaking or completely overwhelmed.

Instead, it’s time to take action so the wheels don’t completely fall off!

So, the next step for you is to send this list to your partner. This can be an indicator to them that you are feeling stressed or that you want to help them through a stressful period.

If you’re still struggling with ways to deal with stress. We recommend joining our free LDR Support Group. It’s an inclusive and supportive community where you can ask questions and get advice from other long distance couples that have had to deal with problems such as stress.

Lisa McKay author image for bio
Lisa McKay is an award-winning author and psychologist. She is also the founder of Modern Love Long Distance, now a part of Lasting The Distance. Drawing upon her own extensive experience with long distance relationships, Lisa helps couples navigate LDR pitfalls and forge meaningful, enduring connections across the miles.
Fall in love all over again with our FREE 7 day LDR challenge!

Unlock better date nights, deeper communication plus a stronger intimate & emotional connection.

Loved by over 50,000 long distance couples!

We respect your privacy & you can unsubscribe at any time.