In a hurry? Head straight to our epic list of deep & meaningful long distance relationship questions.
It’s no secret that long distance couples spend the majority of their time apart.
While fond emotions will absolutely flood your heart in the moments before a visit. What really makes the heart grow fonder is the effective communication happening in between.
But, we know communication in an LDR isn’t always ‘that easy’.
We’ve definitely been there!
Maybe your weekly calls are feeling stale, you’re trying to navigate a hard conversation about the future, or simply struggling to connect on a deeper level.
While those are common barriers, studies have shown that couples in long distance relationships actually have the ability to connect on a more intimate level than other ‘geographically close’ couples.
So to help you reach your full potential as a couple. We’ve put together a few fun and thought-provoking LDR questions designed to strengthen your connection.
Questions to Ask Before Starting a Long Distance Relationship
There are certain challenges and frustrations that will be shared by all couples who are in a long distance relationship.
Talking to others who have already had their own experiences with an LDR and doing your own research by reading articles online will be extremely valuable in order to help you feel validated and prepared.
But no amount of research will be able to equip you better for a long distance relationship than an honest and curious conversation with your partner.
Every relationship is unique, and every person has different love languages, needs, communication styles, and insecurities. You two are the only people who can determine if it is the right choice for you.
So, pull some questions from this list to prepare yourself for a productive conversation about your future:
What are our expectations for the future of our relationship?
What will be our biggest challenge while long distance?
What personal and relationship qualities make us confident we can handle the distance?
What relationship struggles have we had in the past that could be triggered by distance?
What do you need to feel supported in a long distance relationship?
Realistically, how often will we be able to visit each other?
How often will we be able to communicate?
What boundaries can we set now that will help us handle the distance?
How do we plan to split the expenses that come with a long distance relationship?
How will we handle conflict when we’re apart?
What reservations do we have about eventually closing the distance?
Have you just begun or are about to begin your LDR journey? You need to read this if you’re starting a long distance relationship.
Questions to Ask Your Long Distance Boyfriend
A long distance relationship will inevitably result in you and your partner coping with emotional highs and lows.
There will be moments of loneliness when you’re around other couples, jealousy when your partner is out with other friends, disappointment when visits or phone calls need to be rescheduled, and sadness when a visit comes to an end.
Not being able to discuss those emotions openly with your partner can not only negatively impact the health of your relationship, but studies have linked emotional suppression to physical and mental health issues as well.
Unfortunately, harmful societal standards and outdated gender norms have resulted in over 50% of men holding the limiting belief that they need to appear ‘manly’ and ‘emotionally strong’.
Those beliefs cause many men to hold back from expressing emotions that may make them feel vulnerable.
If you’ve noticed your boyfriend tends to be resistant to opening up about how he’s feeling, here are some questions to help get him out of his shell:
What’s something in your life that’s been overwhelming you lately?
What do you think about before you fall asleep?
What was the hardest part of your week?
How have you dealt with loneliness since starting our long distance relationship?
What’s your biggest fear?
What’s something you regret?
What’s one thing no one realizes about you?
What’s your biggest insecurity?
When was the last time you cried in front of someone?
What is something that makes you feel safe and supported?
What is a relationship in your life that has been going through changes recently?
Want a way to incorporate these questions into a gift? Open when letters are a great way to have an impact on your partner’s life. No matter where you are in the world and when they need it most!
Questions to Ask Your Long Distance Girlfriend
Women don’t face the same kind of societal pressures and expectations as men, but that does not mean they don’t have any to face.
While men struggle with expressing emotions that could be associated with their idea of weakness, such as fear or sadness, women historically have struggled to feel comfortable being assertive or fully expressing anger and frustration.
Studies have even detailed that some women voiced that they felt ashamed by the intense emotion of anger.
Regardless of what we may have been raised to believe are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions, anger and frustration are just as natural and acceptable to feel as happiness and excitement are.
Anger isn’t dangerous unless you try to bury it and not work through it.
Just as studies have linked general emotional repression to health struggles, unresolved feelings of anger are linked to insomnia, depression, anxiety, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Anger is a normal emotion to bubble up in all relationships, let alone a long distance one, so support your girlfriend to own their anger and express it in a healthy way with these questions:
What is a current challenge you’re working to overcome?
What is your biggest pet peeve?
What has been stressing you out lately?
What bothers you most about work?
What is something that triggers you in our relationship?
If you could tell anyone off, with no consequences, who would it be and what would you say?
What’s something in your life that’s been frustrating you lately?
How can I make you feel more supported while apart?
What is one change you wish you could make in your life?
What’s made you most upset about going long distance?
What is something you struggle to voice your opinion on?
Long Distance Relationship Questions to Ask Each Other
While apart, so much of your day-to-day life can be a mystery to one another.
You each have different routines, work schedules, and social lives. You might even live in completely different countries.
A perk of that is the fact that it means you’ll have a never-ending list of things to catch up on and share with one another at the end of every day!
But the downside is many conversations end up being filled with details about what happened during your day or recounting stories. Resulting in you missing out on opportunities to strengthen your emotional bond and get to know each other on a deeper level.
So next time you pick up the phone, save the details about your bosses’ lunchtime meltdown for another day.
Use one of these questions to open the doors to a more interesting discussion:
If money didn’t matter, what would you spend your time doing?
What has being in an LDR taught you about yourself?
What has been the proudest moment in your life?
What’s your favorite memory from our relationship?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
If you could change one thing about how your parents raised you, what would it be?
What is one thing you would improve about our relationship?
What do you believe the most important value to live?
What is your biggest regret?
What is your favorite quality about yourself?
What is your favorite quality about me?
How do you calm yourself down after feeling overwhelmed?
What’s one thing you’d like to change about yourself?
Intimacy & Sex Questions for Long Distance Couples
Your sex life is a part of the relationship that will go through the most drastic change when entering an LDR.
There are obvious downsides to maintaining a sex life when you are hundreds of miles apart, like not being able to kiss or physically touch each other or, you know, actually have sex.
But, believe it or not, there are ways that a long distance relationship can actually improve your sex life in the long run.
Not only will it force you both to get experimental with your sex life and try new things, but being physically separated creates an opportunity to discuss sex in a way you may never have had before.
Having conversations about your sexual fantasies, boundaries, likes, and dislikes can not only make sex more enjoyable and comfortable for both of you but strengthen your emotional bond as well.
Sure, it might be a little awkward to discuss for the first time, but an additional perk is that your partner can’t see you blush through the phone!
Just pour yourself
a lot of little bit of wine, and kick it off with one of these questions:
What do you enjoy or dislike about FaceTime and/or phone sex?
What do you think about when you touch yourself?
What kind of dirty talk do you like?
What turns you on?
What’s a sexual fantasy you’ve never told anyone about?
What kind of pictures would excite you to send/receive throughout the day?
What is something I say or do in bed that makes you feel uncomfortable?
What is something I don’t say or do that you wish I would?
What do you miss the most when we’re not physically together?
What’s something new you’d like to try the next time we’re together?
What kind of porn do you watch when we’re apart?
Before launching into these questions, make sure to ask your partner if they are okay with having this type of conversation. Reassure them that you don’t want to pressure them into discussing something they aren’t comfortable with.
Questions to Ask When Getting to Know Someone Long Distance
Whether you’ve been together for 5 years or began your relationship while long distance, the importance that gets placed on communication can make you feel like you’re getting to know each other for the very first time.
But that doesn’t mean that you’ll be going back in time to the awkward small talk of your first date (“So, uh, where did you grow up?”).
Incorporating in-depth questions about your worldviews, interests, dreams, and goals can help you feel closer to each other, encourage each other, and be a better, more loving partner:
If you could learn one new thing while we’re apart, what would it be?
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Where do you hope to be in the next 5 years?
What always cheers you up after a bad day?
What would you do with a million dollars?
What’s something that inspired you recently?
Who is the most influential person in your life?
When you have a problem do you prefer to have space to vent or get advice?
What movie changed how you think about the world?
How do you show love?
How do you receive love?
What part of your job are you most passionate about?
Questions for Long Distance LGBTQ+ Couples
While progress has been made over the years when it comes to LGBTQ+ rights, there is still a long way to go.
Just within America, you can have a very different experience being in an LGBTQ+ relationship if you live in two different states. Let alone if you live in two different countries!
Long distance couples that identify as LGBTQ+ community members face a unique set of challenges. On top of being separated from each other, they, unfortunately, run the risk of facing discrimination in many parts of the world.
Having a conversation with your partner about your individual experiences, and what you feel comfortable with in terms of travel, can help you feel united despite the distance:
What will be our biggest challenge as an LGBTQ+ long distance couple?
Who did you come out to, and how did they react?
What impact did coming out have on your life?
In what ways has your family been accepting of your sexuality?
Is there a reason why there are people in your life you are not out to?
How do you feel about PDA?
What countries or cities would you not feel comfortable traveling to?
Can you share with me about a time you’ve been a victim of homophobia while traveling?
What has been your experience as a member of the LGBTQ community in your city/country?
Fun Long Distance Questions
Having a meaningful conversation doesn’t always need to be serious!
Long distance relationships can be painful at times, and one of the best ways to cope with pain is by laughing. When we laugh, our brain releases endorphins, which increase our mood and dull pain.
Studies have also proven that sharing laughter together strengthens relationships, so bond with your partner by throwing some of these lighthearted questions out there on your next FaceTime session:
What was the funniest thing you believed or misunderstood as a child?
If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, what would be the number one thing you’d do?
What’s the stupidest thing you got in trouble for as a teenager?
What’s your cheesiest pick-up line?
If you had to be an animal for a day, what animal would you be and why?
Would you rather have toes as long as your fingers or fingers as long as your toes, and why?
Who was your strangest celebrity crush?
What was the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
What’s your guilty pleasure song/TV show?
What was your first impression of me?
What’s our most embarrassing long distance relationship story?
Would you rather never have good sex again or never have good food again, and why?
Looking for other ways to have more fun from afar? Check out our list of long distance games with options that all couples will enjoy!
Looking Back: Year in Review Questions
When the time comes, start reflecting on this year and planning for the next.
If you start thinking about these things now, you’re more likely to identify the important lessons that this year had to teach you and to set worthwhile and well-considered New Year’s goals and resolutions.
Pick three words to describe this past year
What was the best thing that happened this year?
What was the most challenging thing that happened this year?
What were the two biggest areas of stress in your life this year?
What were the two biggest sources of joy and refreshment in your life this year?
What is one thing you and your partner “did well” in your relationship this year?
What is one way you and your partner could have “done better” in your relationship this year?
In what ways were you able to contribute something meaningful to others this year?
What are two things you achieved this year that you’re proud of?
What is one thing you would have liked to achieve this year, but didn’t?
What are some ways you disappointed yourself this year?
What books did you read or experiences did you have this year that helped you become a better version of yourself?
What were five of your favorite moments this year?
What are five things from this year that you’re grateful for?
What are two things important lessons you learned/relearned this year?
Looking Forward: Year To Come Questions
Pick three words you would like to describe next year
Given what you experienced and learned this year, what are two things you could do (or do differently) to reduce stress and increase your own resilience?
What is the one habit you would most like to stop this next year?
What is the one habit you would most like to start next year?
What are two ways “character strengths” you’d like to grow in next year? What specific steps could you take to develop these strengths?
What is one thing you’d like to learn next year?
What is one thing you’d like to do more of (or do better) to take care of your physical health?
What is one thing you’d like to do more of (or do better) to strengthen your relationship with your partner?
What is one way you could better support a friend(s) or be of service to your community?
If you could only do one big thing next year, what would it be?
How will you keep yourself accountable and track your progress on these goals and aspirations?
Questions to Ask Before Closing the Distance
Making it to the light at the end of the tunnel of a long distance relationship is a big accomplishment!
After months, or years, of being separated from your partner, it may feel tempting to jump into closing the gap between you the moment the subject is brought up for the first time.
While it’s understandable you’d want to be together as soon as possible, rushing to close the distance because you miss each other can put a big strain on your relationship.
Closing the distance is a big change, both for your relationship and your individual life.
Here are some important questions to ask before you make the commitment:
What is our timeline for closing the distance?
Who is relocating to who?
Will you move in together, or live separately?
What kind of work opportunities will the person relocating have?
What is the visa process like?
How will you split expenses?
How can you budget for closing the distance?
What about your relationship makes you feel confident about making this commitment?
What goals do you both have for your relationship in the next few years?
How often will you be able to visit the home of the person relocating?
Will the opinion of your family and friends impact the choice to close the distance?
Are you starting to talk about closing the distance? Check out our Closing The Distance Date Calculator that will help you discover the optimal time frame to finally be together!
Now It’s Your Turn!
What long distance relationship questions could you use in your next conversation with your partner?
Maybe you have something else you’ve been curious to know but haven’t been sure how to bring it up. When trying to ask a meaningful question to your partner, the number one thing to keep in mind is to make sure it’s open-ended!
Meaning, it can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no”. For example, instead of “do you like your job?”, ask “what is your favorite thing about your job?”
Deeper, more meaningful, and free-flowing conversations!
We hope these questions help you feel more connected to your partner, but we also know how isolating an LDR can be at times. Join our LDR support group to become a part of a community that knows exactly what you’re going through.