10 Ways to Crush Long Distance Relationship Depression, Backed by Science

​Do you agree with this statement? 

A LDR can be one of the toughest journeys for a couple to experience. 

​There are many instances where you can go from feeling invincible to wanting to curl up into the fetal position. 

It is definitely an emotional roller coaster. 

Whether one of you has departed after an amazing visit, the length between visits is becoming unbearable or just not being able to express yourself physically and emotionally in the way that you want with your partner, and many other similar situations, can impact our mental health. 

long distance relationship depression

​It's perfectly ok to feel this way. We're all human and it gets tough when we know we can't have what we want!

But when the sadness becomes a daily companion and long distance relationship depression starts to set in, it is important to recognize it to have the best opportunity to deal with it.

This is an issue that is very important to us. So we have put a lot of time and effort into researching the best ways, backed by scientific evidence and studies where possible, to combat depression in a long distance relationship.

We truly hope what we've put together can act as the building blocks for you or your partner to getting back on the right track.​

1. Talking About It

talking about ldr depression

It's sounds easy doesn't it? Just open your mouth and let it all come out. But in reality talking about depression is damn hard. We care a lot about what others think and no one likes to look vulnerable, which can prevent us from opening up when we really need to.

​You may think others will worry too much or that they may think it's an overreaction. But this train of thought needs to be broken! Depression isn't to be taken lightly and support from those around us plays a pivotal role in recovery.

​Remember you're not alone, there is no shortage of people you can turn to for help:

Your Partner

Friends & Family

Support Groups


Your Partner

If there is one person that NEEDS to know how you feel it's your partner. Keeping things from them won't make things better. They love you, they want to be with you, so they will do whatever they can to make you happy.

If your partner is the one suffering from depression but are having a hard time opening up don't force the situation. Make sure they feel safe and confident enough to talk. Let them know you'll be there when they are ready and will support them in any way possible.

Friends & Family

Being in a LDR means our partners won't always be accessible when we need them. This is where friends and family are so valuable.

Although they might not know the struggles of depression in a long distance relationship, they truly care for you. More often than not they'll know you differently thank your partner does, which can be invaluable when it comes to knowing the best way 'for them' to help.

Support Groups

If you find it hard to open up to people you know, support groups, online or in-person, can be a great option. When there is a level of anonymity it can be easier to open up without the fear of ridicule. It can also be much more relatable atmosphere with others having the same issues.

Google is your best friend when it comes to finding online and local support groups. But some online groups we recommend are:


If none of these solutions are helpful and you have the means to do so, seeing a therapist can be a great option. They can provide an unbiased opinion and sometimes it can be nice to talk to someone you don’t know very well but has a lot of experience in dealing with different issues.

Find out more about how Online-Therapy.com could be the perfect option for you or your loved one.

2. Creating Routines

routine to help depression

When you’re feeling depressed and missing your partner, it can seem like each day melts into the next as all you can think about is being with them. 

Being fixated on this negative train of thought can suck the life out of you. Time stands still and the rut you're in keeps you withdrawn and unfocused from everyday life. 

Ian Cook MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Depression Research and Clinic Program at UCLA noted that depression can strip away structure from your life. Without structure you can't escape that rut. This is where setting up a routine is key.

Creating a schedule, and sticking to it, helps you to focus on the task at hand. As you do this your mind is occupied and keeping negative thoughts at bay.

Here are a couple of ​routines to get you on the right track:

Create a Morning Routine

​Morning routines are a great way to make sure you're taking care of yourself before the day gets ahead of you. This is something Britt Reints, authour of An Amateurs Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness, has been doing to take control of her situation.

Tip: Wake up a little bit earlier than usual and do something that calms or relaxes you. This is a great way to get started while setting the tone for the rest of the day. 

You can take this a step further like Malan Darras ​who set up a daily routine. Check out his article that shows just how crazy his routine was and how he turned it all around. His current routine is something to aspire to!

Scheduling Time With Your Partner

This is something that many of us take for granted. Setting up a schedule for when you chat on Skype or FaceTime can be a great way to build up a healthy routine for your relationship. It will also help mentally by reinforcing something positive to continually look forward to.

​Need help planning your routine? Take a look at WebMD's Daily Activity Planner for Depression Recovery. It's a great tool to keep you in control.

3. Setting Goals

set and achieve goals

Creating routines and setting goals go hand in hand. If we think of routines being the foundation for creating change then goals are the building blocks set upon that foundation.

​When starting out it's imperative to set goals you can achieve. Setting the wrong goals or unattainable goals can have the opposite impact.

In a 2013 study, researchers from the University of Liverpool found that depressed people tended to form more unattainable goals when compared to people unaffected by depression. This was in part due to the fact that depressed people's goals were less concrete and detailed, while their non-depressed counterparts created fairly specific detail orientated goals.

​So if we're going to create REAL and attainable goals we need to move away from generalizing the outcome we want to achieve and create a detailed plan of how we're going to actually do it!

​The team over at Resilient have a great article on setting goals when you're depressed. They talk about using a cool technique called SMART, which stands for:

  • Simple
  • Measureable
  • Attainable
  • Realistic, and
  • Time-Specific

Lets look at some goals we can set.

Short-term Goals

  • Read more
  • Stay away from negativity
  • Get to work on time
  • Eat breakfast every morning
  • Go to the dentist!

Long-term Goals

  • Learn a new skill
  • Lose X amount of weight
  • Create clear career objectives
  • ​Pay off debts
  • Flossing!

Personal Growth Goals

  • Volunteering your time
  • Finish your schooling
  • Working with a mentor
  • Visiting family more often
  • Stop procrastinating

Long Distance Relationship Goals

  • Communicate everyday
  • Schedule 'date nights'
  • Plan a visit
  • Plan for closing the distance
  • Interact with your partner's family & friends

​Remember setting goals is just the first step. We also need to do our best to achieve them! This is where we see real results when it comes to change.

4. Staying Involved 

stay involved to feel better

Staying socially active is really important when suffering from LDR depression.

We don't usually have the luxury of spending time with our partners and others at the some time so it can be very easy to become withdrawn when in a long distance relationship. Add depression into the mix and becoming recluse is a very real possibility.

Without wanting to sound like a 'Debbie Downer', this may be the only way to help someone get off their butt and do something about it, but if it gets to the stage of chronic loneliness the outlook can be grim.

​Research from the journal Mind, Mood & Memory suggests how physically and mentally harmful it can be:

  • Greater risk of cognitive impairment
  • Increased incidence of physical illness
  • Possibility of shortened lifespan

It may be challenging to develop a habit of actively structuring new social and learning activities, but it becomes easier with practice, and it's well worth the effort.

Joel Pava, PhD
Director of Psychotherapy Services at MGH's Depression Clinical & Research Program

​Possibility of shortened lifespan... are you kidding me? Of course it's worth the effort Joe! 🙂

But in all seriousness this is eye opening research. The potential issues people can face shouldn't be taken lightly. Let's take that first step to reconnecting.

​Don't just grab your phone or laptop to connect with someone... Further studies found that all types of socializing aren't created equal. Face to face interactions have far more impact when it comes to fighting depression when compared to phone calls and emails.

5. Physical Exercise


We know exercise can have an impact on our physical health and appearance, but what impact does it have on our wellbeing?

​When you exercise your body starts to react in different ways. It releases endorphins, which act like a painkiller and norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter that plays a role in your mood, is also boosted.

A study by Duke University's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences found that participants who were prescribed moderate aerobic exercise, was as effective at relieving symptoms of depression in the short term as antidepressant medication.

Participants in the study also had very low relapse rates when prescribed with exercise.

​Cool right? Staying active can not only make you happier, but it can make you feel better too.

And lets be honest, who doesn't want to look great the next time they see their partner? We definitely consider this a win-win situation.

It's one thing to accept exercise as a solution but we need to act on that acceptance to really make a difference. So here are some ways to get back into the groove.

Getting Back to Your Roots

As we get older recreational sports can fall to the side. When we were younger there was always something we were playing or was interested in trying. Why not use this time to get back into an old passion or a potential new one that we've always admired?

If you're getting back into a team sport ​you'll have increased social interactions, which we've mentioned the benefits of already!

Hit the Gym

Gyms are great because of the many options you have under one roof. You can get into aerobic training, hit the weights or even sign up to a heap of different classes. There's also a lot of other people around you working hard, which can be a great motivational tool.

It's also worth taking an appointment with the gym's personal trainer if you're not too sure what to do. They can help you through the process of figuring out your goals and how to obtain them.

If you find gyms to be a bit daunting you're in luck. There are a lot of amazing workout videos on YouTube, below is just one of the many effective workouts you can do at home.

What You Can Do Right Now

If you're keen to get started straight away there's nothing stopping you from taking a walk, going for a run or hopping on a bike! But don't just be happy with getting out there today, make a routine of it to see the real benefits.

Tip: ​Don't forget you're in this together! Whether it's you or your partner who is battling depression, when you've got the support of one another anything is achievable. So why not use our best friend, technology, to help get through it together. Check out Everymove.org's article 8 Fitness Apps That Use Your Friends for some ideas.

Now get out there! ​Well... once you've finished our article of course 🙂

6. Mental Exercise

mental exercise for depression

The physical body is not the only thing that needs to be exercised. The mind needs to be worked on just as much and meditation holds the key. 


After analysing over 18,000 studies researchers at Johns Hopkins University found meditation to be beneficial for many mental disorders, especially depression.

Meditation impacts your brain on multiple levels:

  • Increases levels of serotonin AKA your "happiness molecule"
  • Increases gamma-aminobutyric acid AKA your "relaxing neurotransmitter"
  • Reduces levels of cortisol AKA the stress hormone that contributes to depression

​You may think this means that if you're to meditate you need to cross your legs, close your eyes and hum. But in reality you have many different options at choose from.

​Rather than listing all the different options we recommend you check out Giovanni from LiveandDare.com who wrote on great article overviewing 23 different meditation techniques.

Yoga does need special mention though. It's listed as a good meditation technique and while it might not look that hard, it can be quite taxing on the body. So it's a great option for working on physical and mental exercise at the same time!

Notable Mentions

While studies haven't given a definitive answer on their effectiveness, two other options that should be considered are brain training and reading. For more information check out these articles:

We wanted to mention both of these because they're something you can do together to fight LDR depression. You don't have to both be in the same location to read the same book or to even work together (or compete!) in brain training games. 

7. Healthy Eating

eating healthy food heaps with depression

Depression can lead to poor appetite, meal skipping, and an overwhelming desire for sugary foods, which can lead to a lack of important vitamins and minerals. ​

Research completed in 2009 that studied 3,400 people's dietary pattern and depressive symptoms over 20 years found those who ate healthier foods were less likely to be depressed. Those that ate more processed foods were more likely to suffer from depression.

So what are the nutrients, vitamins and minerals that can help, and inversely what are those that we should stay away from?

Read on!


Omega 3 Fatty Acids 

​Fish - Nuts - Seeds - Algae oil

​Why? Necessary 'building blocks' for brain development and function.


​Meat - Eggs - Seafood - Green Leafy Veggies - Legumes - Whole Grains

Why? Studies show a deficiency in B vitamins can be linked to depression.​

Vitamin D

​Fortified Breakfast Cereals - Breads - Juices - Milk

Why? Required for brain development. 


Cod - Brazil Nuts - Walnuts - Poultry

Why? Helps to create antioxidant balance in our cells. 


Turkey - Beef - Eggs - Dairy Products - Leafy Greens

Why? Low tryptophan can trigger depressive symptoms.



​Why? Acts as a nervous system depressant. Also addictive.


Green tea is a healthy substitute that can reduce stress and increase dopamine.

​Why? Creates 'highs/lows'. May also trigger anxiety and insomnia.


​Why? Can increase inflammation. Is an 'unhealthy' short term suppressant. 

Processed Foods

​Why? Can increase chances of becoming depressed by 60% 

This doesn't mean you can't enjoy certain food and drink every once and a while. Like anything, moderation is key.

Why not turn eating right into a date night?! If you can video chat or Skype your partner, try "cooking together” by using the same healthy recipe and try it out together. Bon Appetit Magazine has a great article on recipes high in Omega-3 fatty acids.

8. Getting Enough Sleep

getting enough sleep

Long distance relationships on their own can wreak havoc on your sleeping patterns.

Staying up all night chatting, lying in bed thinking about how much you miss them, or worrying about what they 'might' be doing while out with friends... there are so many scenarios that ultimately have you paying for it in the morning.

​This doesn't work well for couples already dealing with depression in a LDR as the ups and downs we all go through can further impact wellbeing.

​There have been many studies that link irregular sleeping patterns (too much and not enough) and insomnia to depression. So to break the cycle we need to have more control over when we rest.

Get in sync with your natural sleep cycle

  • Sleep and get up at the same time every day.
  • Avoid sleeping in (weekends also!)
  • Limit napping or try not to at all.
  • Fight off the after-dinner drowsiness.

Control your exposure to light

  • ​Expose yourself to bright morning sunlight.
  • Spend more time outside during daylight.
  • Steer clear of screens 1-2 hours before bed.
  • Make your bedroom as dark as possible.

Exercise, exercise, exercise

  • ​The more vigorous, the better!
  • But just 10min/day can improve sleep.
  • Finish at least 3 hours before bedtime.
  • Reduces insomnia and sleep apnea symptoms.

Be smart about what you consume

  • ​Limit caffeine and nicotine intake.
  • Avoid big meals at night.
  • Avoid alcoholic beverages before bed.
  • Avoid drinking too many liquids in the evening.

Improve your sleeping environment

  • ​Reduce distracting noise to a minimum.
  • Keep your room cool (65° F / 18° C).
  • Make sure your bed is comfortable.
  • Limit your bed to anything other than sleep/sex.

Learn how to get back to sleep

  • ​Stay out of your head & focus on your body.
  • Make relaxation your goal over sleep.
  • Reduce stimulation with a quite activity.
  • Idea? Write it down for the morning.

9. Practice Gratitude


Question: How many times have you caught yourself thinking negatively about being in a LDR.

Answer: Definitely more times than you can remember!

LDRs are not for the faint of heart. Most of us have these thoughts but they usually don't last long. For some these negative and self-absorbed outlooks don't go away and can spill into everyday life, which has been linked to depression.

Inversely studies have also found that practicing gratitude can help to foster social support and have a positive impact against stress and depression. But how?

Scientists say practicing gratitude shifts thinking from negative outcomes to positive ones and also boost 'feel-good' hormones such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin.

Psychologytoday.com has a great list of gratitude techniques that can help alleviate depression. We've slightly adapted the techniques to give them an LDR focus and so that couples can do them together:

Gratitude Visit

Write a letter or email saying why you're grateful for each other and thank them for something you appreciate about them or that they've done for you.

Three Good Things

Tell each other three good things that have happened in the past week and explain WHY they happened.

Three Funny Things

Tell each other three funny things that have happened in the past week.

Signature Strengths

In the next week, use one of your strengths to help your partner in some way.

Counting Kindness

Talk about the acts of kindness you offer and receive from others with your partner.

One Door Closes, Another Opens

Talk with your partner about negative moments that led to positive consequences.

Of course you don't have to implement all of these techniques. Pick the ones that will be the most helpful and make the most sense to you and your relationship. The main goal is that they're not just used once, but become a part of your routine to feeling better.

10. Professional Help

Please understand that we are not medical professionals and the data we have collected is for informational purposes only. There is a lot of evidence in support of this information but please consult your doctor.

Professional help is highly recommended to get a concrete diagnosis. Working with someone that has vast experience in such a serious condition is important to find the right solution to getting back on track.

If you would feel more comfortable speaking with a professional therapist online, an amazing option is Online-Therapy.com.

Their program helps you find the right (and highly qualified) therapists, who will be there to help give you the support and tools needed to feel better over the long term.

therapy online for LDR depression

For a limited time, Online-Therapy.com is offering 20% off the first month. Visit their website to find out more and to see if it's the right for you.

Last checked 10th May 2021.

How Can You Help Someone? 

Have you or someone you know struggled from or are currently battling depression while in a long distance relationship?

Let us know in the comments below about dealing with this disease and the techniques being used towards getting better!

Lolo & Nate

Hi, we are Lolo (Canada) & Nate (Australia) a couple that had to go through all that a long distance relationship has to offer, just like you. With our experience and lessons learned we want to help you keep your long distance relationship as strong as ever and ultimately last the distance!

Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 90 comments
Livius Besski - January 13, 2017

Amazing article Nate & Lolo. You guys are doing a remarkable job with the quality of the content you provide on this site. Big thumbs up!

    Lolo & Nate - January 13, 2017

    Thanks Livius!

    Maylou - March 29, 2018

    Thank you so much for sharing… My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for over 3 years and he is suffering from depression. Our relationship has become the focal point of his depression and he asked to break up until I am finished with school next year. Then wants to pick back up and have me move from Colorado to Japan with him! He is in the military and leaves for Japan at the end of the summer. I took his wanting to break up till I can move with him as “it’s too hard and call me when it will be easier for me.” We are still trying to work things out but I am worried that our relationship on top of his depression will not work. I love him. He loves me. I am optimistic for our future. But he can not see the good in anything with the mind set he has right now… It helps to hear that other couples have made the distance work and were able to be together in the end. We are currently looking into counseling and trying to schedule more time together. Thank you again for sharing and listening. If you know of any other helpful resources or ideas on getting through the next year for us please let me know!
    Here’s to hoping for the best***Maylou

      Lolo & Nate - April 10, 2018

      Hi Maylou!

      It’s really great to see how strongly you feel about each other and that you’re there to support him. Sometimes it can be really tough when you sit down and try to understand, what are the things that are making you feel a certain way and then trying to figure out what to do about it. Hard decisions sometimes need to be made, but it’s great to see that you’re looking at helpful options first. It shows you’re both committed and want to do what ever it will take to make it work.

      We think you would get a lot from our 7 Day LDR Challenge, it will definitely show you some great ideas for getting through the next year and strengthening your relationship.

      Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.

      Good luck!

      Shannon - September 4, 2019

      hi there, I just came across this post, and was surprised at how much small details we had similar. I know you posted this back in 2018 and I’m not quite sure how likely you might be to seeing this but my boyfriend and I have currently been in a LDR for about 2 years on and off and he is suffering through depression. We’re on a break right now as he’s in the military, but is about to get out in 3 months – which sounds like a good thing right? well now he’s overwhelmed with his future to come and his depression is constantly causing him to stress and worry about what will be his career. we both have been through a lot together and have made positive strides to our relationship. he tells me that he is scared to lose me and wants me in his life but is torn at the same time with just wanting to be alone and not talk to anyone. if you do happen to see this (or anyone) please let me know how did you all end up overcoming it?

      this article is super helpful, and I hope I can definitely take a few tips into my relationship now.

      thank you!

        Lolo & Nate - September 8, 2019

        Hi Shannon,

        Thanks for the kind words! We’ll see what we can do about Maylou seeing your reply.

        Going from military to civilian life has to be a huge transition. His feelings around what he’ll do next and his potential career path are completely natural, it happens to all of us when a big change is coming. In this situation where he’s feeling overwhelmed, you have an important role to play to help him through it.

        When we’re anxious, depressed or feeling overwhelmed, it can be hard to focus and think rationally. When you’re in the thick of it, you can feel like there is no solution. You being there for him will help him to move forward.

        The military should have programs to help with transitions like this and veteran support programs where he can still be around others like him who have served.

        If you’re able to find out what he’s interested in doing, you can help by researching it with him. Knowing that he has someone there for him, who is wanting him to succeed and achieve everything that he wants can be a game changer.

        Working together like this should also ease his mind when it comes to having thoughts about losing you. You’re showing how dedicated you are to making your relationship work and those feeling of wanting to be alone will fade as he becomes more positive with an outcome ahead.

        Please reach out if you have any questions.

        Good luck!

      Kate - February 13, 2021

      I felt everyone word you said except I’m in your boyfriends shoes and it’s painful not being able to see anything good. I’d like to be positive and I really was. I thought there was no reason to be scared of the distance and it’s nothing I can’t take. Things can change very fast. I love my bf, there’s no doubt about that. But something in me is hellbent on fighting all the time. I can’t let things go. Anyway it was weirdly comforting to read someone else out there is having very similar feelings and LDR can be a huge factor. I was starting to believe LDR had nothing to do with my depression.

Denny - April 5, 2017


I could honestly not thank you enough for this article. I have been experiencing a debilitating depression episode since the end of our last visit. You have given so much valuable information, research backed, wonderfully presented, and with doable steps. I am so thankful I stumbled upon this! From the bottom of my heart, thank you, I finally feel on the right path of overcoming my depression!

    Lolo & Nate - April 5, 2017

    Hey Denny!

    Thanks for the kind words. We put a lot of time into it and we’re glad it’s having an impact. Let us know if we can help in any way!

Lizbeth Mares - June 28, 2017

Hey guys,

I wanted to thank you for the time and effort you’ve put into this article. My boyfriend and I have been in this let for over a year and a half now. The last day of his visits are always the hardest to get through. It helps more than you know!

Thank you,


    Lolo & Nate - July 2, 2017

    Hey Liz,

    Thank you that means a lot!

    The final days of a visit can definitely be tough, especially when you know it’s going to be even tougher in the coming days/weeks once they’ve left. It’s great that you’ve noticed that there’s an issue and you guys are tackling it head on!

    More articles to come 😀

    Good luck with everything at let us know if we can help in any way!

Miss Whit - July 23, 2017

My boyfriend and I tried living together with his parents and grandma.I brought my son from Colorado to Miami to try this living situation. Now keep in mind I have lived on my own for 12 years and he’s never moved out of his parents house. Also I had trouble finding a job and adjusting to the different lifestyle in Miami. Now I’m back in Colorado with my son and we are trying to figure out how we can all be together again. It’s a very difficult situation but I refuse to move their again and make a huge mistake twice. Any advice on how to plan closing the distance because right now it feels it will stay this way forever…

Jaime - August 19, 2017

Thank you for this article! I am Canadian and just said goodbye to my Norwegian boyfriend yesterday morning after a 3 week visit. We’ve been doing this for over a year now and I find myself falling into states of depression quite often. Being able to find examples like yours and articles to help cope make things much more manageable when the going gets tough. It’s great finding other examples to relate to, especially when you know that no matter how tough things can seem that other person is worth it.

Nela - November 6, 2017

Great article, life saving perhaps. Thank you for writting it.

Tracey - January 27, 2018

I’ve been with this wonderful man for a year and a half. He is from where I used to live and we reconnectes on Facebook after i moved to California. On October 19, 2017, I brought up a recurring issue that should have not been a big deal but instead he told me he was done arguing about dumb shit, ignored me all night and text me the next day saying he didn’t want to deal with this at worm and than I never heard from him again. I’m not blocked but he just refuses to answer my calls or texts I even went back home for Christmas and still nothing. I showed up at his house ( he wasn’t home) his roommate told him I stopped by and the roommate than text me that he has nothing to say. This hurts so badly but since doing so much research on depression I don’t want to give up bc I know that him ignoring me is a mechanism of depression. I’ll still send him funny things through Facebook messenger which he reads pretty quickly after I send them. I just need advice, do I continue with the messenger and hold on to hope or do stop and move on? I really do love him very much

    Lolo & Nate - February 1, 2018

    Hi Tracey,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. It must be hard to process when you’re unable to communicate.

    From your side of the story it seems that he wants space.

    I know how hard that can be to give someone that you really care about and that isn’t responding, but it might be for the best in the short term.

    You know he’s seen your messages, so it may be worth one more letting him know just how much you care and that you’re going to give him space to let him reach out to you when he’s ready.

    While it might hurt in the beginning, he’ll know exactly how you feel about him and know what you’re willing to do for him.

Lowri - February 8, 2018

Lolo and Nate, this article is so valuable and honest!
Thank you for taking the time to write it. I will definitely be sharing with my LDR partner.

Wishing you both all the best!

    Lolo & Nate - February 13, 2018

    Hi Lowri!

    Thanks for the kind words and also for sharing it with your partner!

    It did take some time to write so we’re glad LDR couples are very receptive of it 😀

    Good luck!

Mel - February 24, 2018

Such an amazing article. Thanks a lot.

    Lolo & Nate - February 25, 2018

    Hi Mel,

    Thanks for the kind words!

Susie - March 15, 2018

Thank you so much for your advice on LDR. I have an amazing soulful man in my life and my love for him is very deep. I have been feeling sad when we cant see each other. He is my soulmate! We are at the beginning stage of our relationship and this is the first time in my life that I love someone so much! We r meant to be together but at times it’s sooo hard being without him… I wasnt looking for love…it came unexpected and this is what it did to me…it comes and goes…most if the time I am ok but i have to keep myself busy…thank you for all the tips …you are so wonderful guys! Much love and kindness to you both!!!❤❤❤

    Lolo & Nate - March 17, 2018

    Thanks for the kind words Susie! We’re glad we can help.

    We continue the tips and conversation in our Facebook group! We’d love for you to join: LDR Support Group

    Hope to see you in there!

Jen - April 21, 2018

My partner and I have just started the LDR. She’s struggling with depression. I’d like us to communicate more but when I’ve brought it up, it seems to cause more pressure. I feel I’m the cause and trying not to go there. Thank you for your article. I want to be there for my partner but feel cut off.

Sara - June 30, 2018

Thank you so much for this article!

My boyfriend and I have been doing this for just under a year. The first time it was for about 6 months, and now even though it’s a shorter time period of only 3 months, this time is becoming a lot harder. I find myself more frequently than not worrying about the relationship, even when I talk to him and he adjusts to what I say I need. He’s a great guy, and listens to anything I say, but some of the beginning relationship “sweetness” has died off and now it’s like he communicates like we’re friends rather than as I’m his girlfriend.
I also find myself having trouble telling what’s the difference between a true relationship problem I need to bring up and what’s the distance really getting to me. The more that confusion gets into my head combined with the inability to handle these situations as you could in person, especially with a nine hour time difference, has me worrying if I’m even able to do it anymore or if I need to break up because he’s not putting in the effort that I am.
It’s just a whole confusing mess and I want to be independently happy, but the longer the distance goes the more and more insecure and clingy I get to the relationship.

    Lolo & Nate - June 30, 2018

    We’re glad you liked it Sara!

    Like all relationships the dynamic changes overtime. A better way to look at it, is that it GROWS. While you may think the ‘sweetness’ has died off, there are many parts of your relationship that are flourishing. As you mentioned he listens and is more and more attentive. We’re sure there are many other areas you’ve both grown together.

    Communicating as friends can seem like a negative but it couldn’t be farther from the truth! This shows the level of confidence and trust in each other, you’re able to be yourselves around one another without any feelings of anxiousness or even regret. This is huge! It may feel that it’s jumped off into the deep end but in reality it’s likely a small change that seems big.

    The distance getting to you is definitely a true relationship problem that needs to be addressed and good on you for speaking up about it. We go through a very hard period when apart and you have every right to express that. Otherwise, how are you going to work on it as a team? 🙂

    If you truly believe your partner is not putting in the effort that you are, you should have that discussion. It definitely is a hard one but for your sake and the relationship, it’s one you must have to be able to move forward together.

    Please get in touch if you want to talk.

    Good luck!

    Lolo & Nate

Ruth - July 5, 2018

Hello Lolo & Nate. I feel very blessed to have read your article. My partner and I are in a LDR for 10 months now and we just spent the last month together. We went on a holiday and it was the most amazing month of my life. He was sweet, romantic, attentive and passionate about everything. He was more than I ever expected after over 9 months of just talking over skype, messenger and whatsapp. He’s been amazing. He made sure that I feel loved every single day that we were together. However, it’s been a week now since we’ve been apart again. We went back to our routine of calling on skype every night and texting on messenger everyday when we’re both working. Eventhough we both promised that things will never change even after we went back to the long distance relationship, I feel like he’s just slipping away from me. He calls at night but it’s usually just to say hi, and the usual ‘how’s your day’ questions. and then that’s it. we leave the videocall open while he does his thing and I go to sleep, as what we used to do before he came here. I just feel like he’s emotionally distant from me. I’ve been sharing things that happened to me during the day and he’s just listening but doesn’t share his. So now I don’t know whether this is just him trying to adjust to the distance again or I’m slowly losing him.The only thing that keeps me going now is the plan that we talked aboht before he went back to his country.We plan for me to go visit him in April but I have no idea if I can take this depressing feeling I have been having for days now.

    Lolo & Nate - July 6, 2018

    Hi Ruth!

    Thank you for your kind comments and telling us about your story.

    The period right after being together can be very complicated. There’s a lot of mixed emotions while you’re expected to hop straight back onto the daily grind. For some this can be harder to deal with, and that’s ok.

    Something that’s definitely not helping the situation is the guessing. You used “I feel like…” and “I don’t know whether…”, which means you’re playing a bit of a guessing game. What tends to happen in these situations, when we don’t truly know the answer, is that our assumptions can spiral out of control. Making ourselves feel bad in the process.

    Nip this in the bud. You need to talk to your partner to stop this spiral. It’s a tough conversation to have, but you need to be open and honest to get the answers you need to feel good about yourself and the relationship. More often than not it’s something much smaller than we anticipate and once we know, we’re able to work on it together to get through it.

    Good luck!

Maria - July 9, 2018

Hi Lolo and Nate, thank you for your article!

I’ve recently gotten into a relationship with someone who began suffering from depression soon after we got together. He’s started changing in many different ways because of it- he’s a lot less social and more introverted, doesn’t like talking with his friends and I as much as he used to and has started sharing less and less about all that he’s going through. Fortunately I managed to convince him to see a psychologist which he is going to begin doing soon. But what’s worrying me is that in a month I’ll be leaving the country to study abroad while he will be staying here, thus entering a long-distance relationship wherein which I won’t be able to meet him for months on end and possibly even 1-2 years. He’s already become more and more reclusive and distant from me to the point where I can neither be there to support him emotionally, nor can I ask him to be there for me whenever I need any emotional support myself because of all that’s he’s facing already, and even arranging a single phone call together can take up to a week at a time to whenever he feels comfortable with talking. I know that he cares about me a lot and is invested in our relationship since we have talked about getting married a couple of times before, but I’m scared that once I leave it will become extremely difficult to maintain our relationship. On the flip side he also thinks that his depression will become a major issue in our relationship and that I shouldn’t have to stick around and wait until he becomes ‘normal’ again. I deeply care for him, I don’t want to leave him and want to be there for him as much as possible while I’m away without intruding on his personal space. Please do give any advice if possible!

    Lolo & Nate - July 29, 2018

    Hi Maria!

    It’s good that your boyfriend was willing to see a professional. It shows that he wants to get better and is taking the right steps to do so.

    Knowing that a change is coming, and one that is quite drastic, can be hard to deal with. Sometimes people shut off not wanting to deal with the situation. The best thing you can do is give them time but also pushing them to open up and talk in a non-threatening way. Sometimes it helps to first express your own feelings about what’s happening and hopefully this will allow your boyfriend to see you both feel the same way about what’s happening and that it’s ok to feel that way.

    While you’re a part it’s going to get tough. But that’s why we’re here! It’s worth checking out our 7 Day LDR Challenge to help navigate the early days and setup a good base for what’s ahead.

    Good Luck!

Regina - July 27, 2018

Hi Lolo and Nate!

My partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We live 12.500 km, 16 hours of flying away from eachother. He has a job in South Africa and I’m a student in the Netherlands. We’re both having a really hard time. It’s almost August now and we’re only going see eachother again in December for a few weeks. On top of that we can’t call, because the mobile network is too poor on his side. We just leave eachother voice messages throughout the day, and sometimes send videos. I’m suffering from LDR depression, and don’t really know what to do with myself. I was thinking of droppping out of university to be together, but I feel like that that would put a lot of pressure on our relationship. He also wouldn’t want me to drop out to be together. But for me it’s hard to focus on my studies when I’m suffering from heartache. I feel stuck. Do you have any advice?

Kind regards,


    Lolo & Nate - July 29, 2018

    Hi Regina!

    You’re definitely far away from each other! The actual distance can definitely play a big part in how you feel. If you were 500km apart the time and cost of getting there would be much less and you would feel like you could go and be with each other at a moments notice. But unfortunately that’s not the case (which was similar for us).

    It’s great that you’re going to be seeing each other in December. What an awesome time it will be. Without thinking about it, you’re working together and setting plans/goals that you’re going to achieve together. That’s something to be really proud of.

    While some forms of communication might be tough. You need to make the most of a crummy situation and you’re doing that with the voice messages and videos. They’re a great way to express yourself and there are other options too!

    While you’re in the same time zone another cool option is actually the first day of our 7 Day LDR Challenge you should definitely check it out.

    If we can give one other piece of advice, it would be to stay in school. While in the short term you may be hurting, think about how good it will feel to be able to finish your studies and close the distance. You may be taking the harder road, but it will definitely pay off in the long run. The opportunities it will bring will likely for outweigh those you get without finishing school.

    Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

    Good luck!

Shiori - July 31, 2018

Hi Lolo & Nate,

Thanks for your great article. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now and even then, we were in a semi-LDR in the same country.

He just moved back to America for law school two weeks ago and I’ve been feeling depressed ever since. We’re planning to spend the Christmas holidays with his family in the states and I’m looking forward to that, but I don’t know if my mental state will last till then.

There’s a 13 hour time difference between us so it’s hard to text each other during the day, only good morning and goodnight texts. And I haven’t talked to him in person since he left because he’s busy.

I know that he loves me and I’m deeply in love with him, but it’s been hard to stay positive.

Any advice?


    Lolo & Nate - August 19, 2018

    Hi Shiori!

    It’s great that your partner is going to law school. Good on him!

    The feeling of losing him is tough at the beginning but it will fade away over time. Not entirely but there are things you can do to help deal with it.

    Starting to plan your trip is a great step, you’ll be spending your time looking at flights, things to do, budgeting etc. All of these things will help your bond as you are striving towards a common goal. You’ll be proud when you achieve it.

    We had a similar time difference to you and can relate to the good morning and good night texts. We were able to change it up, which helped us a lot. This became the first day of our 7 Day LDR Challenge, you should definitely check it out!

    Good luck!

Sean - August 5, 2018

My name is Sean, Kelsey, and Ash. I am 16 with my boyfriend and we are two states apart (usa) I live in a small town and so doesn’t he,we live ten hours apart.I’m about to get my licence but I can’t go out of state by myself for another year and a half and we are both suffering that issue, we can’t figure out what to do.this article really helped us I’ve talked to my mom and dad multiple times about seeing him, they just hate on the fact of how young we are it just makes me mad on that part. Just k owing that I love someone and I can only see their face over the phone. It hurts a lot sometimes. I’m planning on a trip during the holidays to see him (a friend might be able to go). I’m just hoping me and him work out cause all I can think about is him and everything around us, cuddling, and kissing. I just want to see him. I know I’ve said that a lot but its true. I know what my relationship is it is true love.

    Lolo & Nate - August 19, 2018

    Hi Sean,

    Your parents only want the best for you and that’s why they it can sometimes seem like they are blocking you from what you want. They have a lot of experience in life, they understand what may or may not go wrong in certain situation and they also look at it from a different perspective. Know that they love you and this is why they react this way.

    The best thing you can do is to work with your parents on this. The longer you are together the more they will realise that what you have is real and will start to understand your side.

    While it is true that you’re both young. At this stage getting to know each other better via video chat is the best thing you can do.

    It’s great that you’re planning a trip. I hope that you’re keeping your parents involved as it is definitely better to be open and honest with them.

    Good luck!

Pam - August 7, 2018

I love your article, and all your tips definitely help with the separation blues and filling the time.

I find myself in an LDR with children and a partner with children, and neither of us have a way to be together in any nearly foreseeable future due to ex-spouses and child care.

Fortunately we have spans of weekends we see each other, usually once month or once every other month, and longer spans in summer. But we live 7 driving hours apart and have families and responsibilities.

Any advice for this situation? Neither of us want to end it or be with anyone else, and agree we are ‘it’. Separation after togetherness always causes short term near paralysis for one and major sadness with the other. It seems hopeless.

Wondering if anyone has any solutions for people with kids.

    Lolo & Nate - August 19, 2018

    Hi Pam!

    Your story is inspirational! There are roadblocks and you’re doing everything in your power to break down the ones you can control.

    It’s a tough situation but you’re making the best of it. Good on you.

    In regards to the future, some hard decisions will need to be made between you, your partner and your ex-spouses. It will concern your happiness but more importantly it will concern your children’s happiness. This definitely isn’t going to be a quick conversation and will require a lot of communication from all parties.

    We have some members of our Facebook group that are in a similar situation that you might be able to benefit from their experiences.

    Please join us here and We’ll introduce you to the members that could help.

    Good luck!

Jennifer - September 3, 2018

Being in a LDR is hard work . But im in it 100% So im so grateful to have found this site . Lots of great information , tips and advice . Thank you for sharing

    Lolo & Nate - September 3, 2018

    Thanks for the kind words Jennifer!

    We’re glad you’ve found us. If you’d like to continue the conversation, join us in our Facebook group: LDR Support Group

    Good luck!

Charlotte - September 7, 2018

Thank you so much for this post. My boyfriend left just a week ago to go back to South Korea after we in the UK as he was an exchange student at my university. I thought I would be completely fine once he left, and I was for the first two days, but after that the reality of time difference and not being able to go out on dates together and spend time with him really hit me. I’ve been really struggling. This post honestly gave me so much hope and so many ideas of how I can make this period of time more bearable, but also to make sure that I’m not missing out on opportunities here just because my boyfriend is not with me.
Thank you so much again, I really appreciate it.

Charlotte xxxx

    Lolo & Nate - September 8, 2018

    Thanks for the kind words Charlotte!

    The first few days are usually ok as it hasn’t settled in yet. Once it does it can be a hard to shake those feelings.

    Well done for being proactive!

    Good luck!

JT - September 11, 2018

Great article, thank you for the obvious thought put into it! I am currently in the beginning stages of my first long distance relationship and am battling depression. If I could share a tip it would be this, send at least a text or note every day to let your partner know you’re still there. My boyfriend and I didn’t feel the need to talk every day when he was in town and that was fine for me, I had the comfort of knowing he was close by. He’s carried that habit into the long distance and I feel so lonely. Without the routine of spending weekends and evenings together the time alone is difficult to fill and not fun! Just say hi, it will guarantee a bright spot in your partner’s day every day.

    Lolo & Nate - September 12, 2018

    Thanks for the kind words JT and for the tip!

    Having contact everyday or as much as possible is definitely important. Some circumstances may mean that you can’t talk everyday but you need to find out what will work for both of you.

    Good luck!

Paula - October 12, 2018

That’s good to know I’m not alone… it’s been 4 years I don’t see my boyfriend. We lived together before get in a ldr but I had to come back to my country once my program has finished. Since then i tried to visit him twice but both times I got my visa denied. He can’t come since he’s a refugee waiting for the citizenship process and is afraid to having problems stepping out of the country.
I was reading some comments here and suddenly I felt jealous for not be able to see him even for one day. I swear u one day would make me tremendously happy…
I’m really sad right now cause I see he tries to help me and cheer me up… I feel guilty for not be the same shiny and happy girl he first met.
I feel pressured cause I afraid he gets tired waiting and find another girl but lately I think maybe he finding a new girl would be better cause we both are suffering…
I don’t know… I simply see no solution for us and that breaks me cause we both love and care for each other and we are fighting so hard to make it work.
Please, send us some prayers.

    Lolo & Nate - October 20, 2018

    Hi Paula,

    It’s true, you’re not alone!

    Four years is definitely a long time between visits. I hope this changes soon 🙂

    First of all you need to be proud for making it this far. Many other couples would have fallen apart trying to last this long. Sometimes it gets tough, and that’s the situation you’re in now. But as you continue to work on your relationship, it will get better.

    Our 7 Day LDR Challenge is definitely something that could help you both. Have a look and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to.

    Good luck!

Rina - October 20, 2018

Hi Lolo and Nate,

Thank you for sharing this great article..
We’ve been three years in LDR status with an average of ten days each annual vacation..
He is in abroad to work and it’s been almost three years now and it still so hard for me to cope up. Most of the time I found myself crying in the middle of the night. I believe he has all the best intentions for our family. But I can’t help it, missing him while a lot of thoughts wandering in my mind..

I just misses him so badly.. And just always wanting him to finish his contract and work here instead.. But due to unstable job and economy here in our country he will renew his contract which is another three years…

I am contented whatever financial support he can provide for us as long as we are together, since I have stable job here as Financial Analyst.. But he has lots of plans, goals for our family..

Please help me to understand why sometimes I become paranoid or too sensitive whenever there are things that I expect from him but didn’t happen..

I truly understand him but I just can’t help myself missing him, seeking for an emotional support (women’s basic need) from him…

He is trustworthy and an action man, expressing his love in action and not in words (silent man, less talk type of person) . That is why it’s hard for me to sometimes feel being comforted.. Because he doesn’t talk that much while online though we have video calls everyday… But WE DON’T REALLY TALK (conversing things) often..

I pray that by God’s grace I can still cope another three years for this kind of situation..

Again, thank you knowing for sharing this and it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who is experiencing this..

God bless you all!

    Lolo & Nate - October 23, 2018

    Hi Rina,

    Thank you for the kind words!

    Sorry to hear about the unstable job/economy. It’s a tough decision to make but what looks to be the right one for right now.

    You should definitely look at the positive side. Look at what you’re boyfriend is willing to do for your family/relationship/future. It’s a big undertaking and one that not many people would be strong enough to complete. But you’ve both shown that you can make it three years. Of course there will be tough times but it’s all about doing the little things to make it seem like you’re closer.

    Take a look at our 7 Day LDR Challenge, I think you’ll get a lot out of it!

    Also if you’re looking for support our group on Facebook is a great place to start. Lots of like minded people going through the same things. We’re here for you!

    Although you say he is a ‘silent man’ you definitely need to try and get him to open up and support you. It might take some time, but take small steps. Start with small, lighter conversation and build up. It will help along the way.

    Good luck!

Dani - November 8, 2018

Thanks so much for this article! I’m sending it to my boyfriend in the morning and I’ve bookmarked it for future referencing too!

My boyfriend and I are really struggling right now. He’s been fighting with himself about breaking up because the distance is so hard on him. I’ve done LDRs in the past so it’s hard but I can tough it out. We both have depression, though mine comes with a few other issues including anxiety and chronic pain, and I think that may be part of why he doesn’t want to share it with me when he’s down or struggling with something, he wants to spare me any extra stress or pain or whatever. I’ve tried explaining go him that it hurts more when he shuts me out but I don’t think he really gets it.
We have plans to see each other soon but I’m worried he’s getting so far into his own head that we may not make it that far. I try to get him to do meditations and breathing exercises but he just doesn’t seem interested or willing to take my help or advice in any form.

I’m at a loss here, and I love him so much and he says he loves me too, but recently he broke up with me and it shattered me. We got back together but I still don’t feel whole, like maybe the trust I had in him is gone right now. I feel like my safe place isn’t so safe anymore. My happy place when I was getting painful treatments from my doctor used to be imagining myself laying in bed with him and cuddling, but now my mind just goes blank.

How do I trust him again? And how do I show him that out of all the things that could be wrong with a relationship, the distance is the easiest thing to surmount so long as we stay honest and open with each other?

I think I’m going to ask him to join your ldr group on Facebook and I’ll stay out of it so he can feel safe saying absolutely anything he needs to without fear of me reading it. I just keep feeling like there’s something he’s not telling me, and he’s definitely been pulling away since before we split and got back together again. I really hope I can get through to him. Even though he’s hurt me, he still means everything to me and I decided a while ago that this was the one I was going to fight for.

    Lolo & Nate - November 13, 2018

    Hi Dani,

    Thanks for the kind words!

    I hope you and your boyfriend get a lot out of it. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.

    The distance can be a struggle, even at the best of times. It’s definitely heightened if we keep it in, rather than opening up. When we open up it’s a sign that we’re wanting to deal with it. While he might try and shelter you from what’s going on, you could try to slowly work on getting him to talk about things that are bothering him. Small steps are key here as he’ll progressively become more comfortable in this situation. For many it can be a vulnerable position, so we need to do our best to make it a safe place.

    We’d love to have him join the the Long Distance Relationship Support Group. But be careful you don’t push too hard. You’re doing it for the right reasons and if he doesn’t want to, leave it there. You can join 🙂

    Thanks & Good luck!

Thais - March 9, 2019

Thank you for such a great article!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and a half and we saw each other for the first time since being together 5 weeks ago. We live in different countries, with different time zones and more than 10.000 km apart. I came back to my country yesterday and even though i know we’ll make it and probably be together for life, i feel like I’m drowning. I miss his touch, simple things like hugging or touching his face, his kisses and just walking around hand in hand. I love him and he loves me, we are planning on seeing each other in a year. Still i can’t stop crying, I’m not hungry and it physically hurts to be apart from him, and not having him around every second. I feel like puking the whole day and every second feels like an eternity and i don’t know what to do to make it go away.

    Lolo & Nate - March 16, 2019

    Hi Thais,

    Thanks for the kind words!

    Your first meeting must have been an amazing time. Those kinds of moments leave us on a huge high and when we have to leave each other there is a steep drop off. It’s an unfortunate part of being in an LDR and something we all have to overcome. Luckily with time it will fade, but your love won’t!

    To help the process along you should definitely take a leaf out of one or two of the options we provided. Getting your mind back on track in terms of regular life can be a big help.

    You also mentioned that you’re planning the next visit, that’s great! You’ve got a common goal to accomplish and that will go a long way to helping keeping your mind occupied.

    Good luck!

Melissa - March 30, 2019

Hi Lolo and Nate, I’ve just learned that my boyfriend of 4 years has accepted a position 4 hours from where we both live. Although we’ve never lived together, and have had an on and off relationship during this time, we do love each other, and keep hoping for a commitment.

I am planning on helping him move, and maybe driving every 2 weeks to see him, and I hope he does the same for me.

Are you still long distance from each other? Want are some ways that you’ve found that work best for keeping the love alive together?

Thanks for this great blog!


    Lolo & Nate - April 1, 2019

    Hi Melissa,

    Thanks for the kind words. We’re glad you’ve found it helpful!

    We closed the gap after 18 months of long distance. It’s coming up to seven years ago now!

    We were much further away than 4 hours, which meant we could only see each other every 6 months or so. You both definitely have an opportunity to travel much more frequently and at a much lower cost!

    The most important thing I would say is committing to a schedule when it comes to visits. If it’s once every two weeks, great! But make sure you both agree to it and do everything you can to make sure you follow through with it. There may also be opportunities where you both travel a short distance to go on a mini-trip together.

    Outside of traveling, it’s important to also talk about when you’ll call/facetime each other. Communication is KEY in this situation as that’s all we really have for the majority of the time we’re apart.

    Let us know if you have any questions, we’re here!

    Good luck!

Carolina Anderson - April 28, 2019

Hi I was dating this guy for 3 months we both liked each other a lot and use to see each other often and text etc, 3 weeks ago he told me he was moving to NY city and I was really sad I tried to convince him not to leave but he said it was too late and he had already signed his work contract and his flight was booked so I was very reluctant to all of this, so he finally took in on Friday night and I just miss him a lot more than ever we said we were gonna text and send pics to each other and talk on the phone but idk how long this will last he’s gonna be there for at least a few years depending on how much he likes it if not he’ll come back to California can you please advise how to deal
With this I cry when I think about him please advise

    Lolo & Nate - April 29, 2019

    Hi Carolina,

    Thanks for reaching out!

    The first time you’re apart can be really tough. It feels like you’re going into the unknown and are unsure what’s going to happen. Don’t worry, this is definitely normal.

    To try and get away from these feelings, you and your partner need to talk about where you see this relationship going and if you’re both willing to do long distance.

    You both need to be completely committed to make it work. So you should definitely spend some time to understand what you both want.

    Please reach out if you have any questions.

    Good luck!

Martin Dash - May 1, 2019

I have developed overthinking away from my partner which spills into when we are together. I have also had bad depression, which has linked to boredom. I love my partner very much and wouldn’t ever leave her. I just want to be around her and keep busy and feel content again.

    Lolo & Nate - May 2, 2019

    Thanks for commenting Martin.

    Everyone overthinks situations, so don’t feel like you’re alone here. The next step is to understand how to combat it.

    Without knowing your complete situation, there is definitely some merit into trying one or more of the solutions we’ve outlined.

    As you’ve mentioned that you want to keep busy, read through these options again and list how you can use them:

    2. Creating Routines
    3. Setting Goals
    4. Staying Involved
    5. Physical Exercise

    Good luck!

Emily - May 21, 2019

Hey Lolo & Nate
This has really got me thinking in a more postive light. My boyfriend and I have been LDR for several months now since his job moved him. He’s not too far, about 6 hour drive or a 45 minute flight and we have been making it work with visits and trips, him coming here one weekend, me the next. And it is working great but I become so down after he leaves or after I have to leave him that it keeps me stuck in a bad spot. our communication with each other is good and only becoming stronger. But sometimes I feel overdramatic when I leave and already miss him not even hours later. Your article though has been so so helpful! It makes me want to stay busy and try new hobbies, and get back to old ones. THANK YOU!

    Lolo & Nate - May 21, 2019

    Hi Emily,

    Thanks for the kind words, we’re glad it has been helpful for you 🙂

    It’s good to see that everything is working and you’re both all in and working on the relationship.

    Don’t worry about feeling overdramatic. You’re not alone! It’s a common emotion in LDRs and I feel it’s warranted and shows just how much you care.

    Please let us know how you get on with the new or old hobbies and how it has helped.

    Good luck!

Adele - May 25, 2019

Hey Lolo and Nate,

Thanks for your article it was encouraging. I am in the position of trying to decide if my partner and I are going to commit to a long distance relationship. Recently, I accepted a year contract in Asia. We are currently dating each other in the USA. Things have been going very well in the relationship and we have been growing closer. However, since I told him that I am accepting this job, it has felt like he has been pulling away and becoming more distant. Which makes sense because I am excited for this great opportunity, but we are both scared and nervous about the distance away from each other. All a long he has been supportive about the possibility of me moving for a job abroad because it is the best move for my career at this point.

It would be great if you could offer some advice about if I should have a conversation with him about if he wants a LDR before I leave at the end of the summer. Right now he said he wants to just keep things open and see how things go and to not put too much pressure on the relationship. This is actually how we started out the relationship but now we are a lot more committed. I am just afraid about getting more involved with him and then he could just all of a sudden break it off without any warning. Please let me know your thoughts! Thank you!

    Lolo & Nate - May 25, 2019

    Hi Adele,

    Thanks, we’re really happy you found it helpful and congratulations on the job appointment in Asia 🙂

    It’s fairly common for people to take a step back to process things when something big is announced and it impacts them directly.

    What needs to happen is simple but very important. You need to sit down and have a discussion on where you both sit when it comes to the relationship and if you’re willing to try long distance. The sooner this happens, the better.

    Otherwise it will be in the back of both your minds, festering, until it comes out and potentially in the middle of an argument.

    Both of you need to lay your cards on the table, figure out exactly what your relationship is and if you’re willing to go all in. There is always going to be a risk when it comes to a sudden break, which could come from either of you. But if you both understand where each other is coming from and exactly what you want, this will help the relationship overall.

    Please reach out if you have any Qs.

    Good luck!

Mauri - May 31, 2019

Oh my gosh I can’t tell you just how badly I needed this advice.

    Lolo & Nate - May 31, 2019

    Hi Mauri,

    Glad it helped!


Dipsy - June 2, 2019

Hi! I had a quick read of your article. It’s really good. Something I have been looking for quite some time. I am in a ldr with my bf in the USA and myself in India. We have always been like this but previously we could meet once every 2 months as he was then in India, but now it is a wait for 6months more till we are together following another spell of staying apart. I have been feeling low and sometimes extremely distracted in this situation. The article provided me a lot to look forward to. I have shared the same with my partner. Thank you for the information and the help. Stay blessed.

    Lolo & Nate - June 3, 2019

    Thanks for the kind words Dipsy.

    We’re glad it has helped!


Canti - June 12, 2019

I should thank you guys for sharing this. It is really helpful for me who is now adjusting my life again after two weeks holiday with my boyfriend. He is from Germany and I am from Indonesia. I also shared this article to my boyfriend. And will share to my friends who experiencing the same thing. I really thank you.

    Lolo & Nate - June 12, 2019

    Hi Canti!

    Thanks for the kind words. We hope you had an amazing holiday!

    It sure can be hard to go back to the regular routine but the steps we’ve outlined will definitely help.

    Be sure to check out our date night ideas for when you want to do something more than the regular video call.

    Good luck!

Charles - July 24, 2019

Hey guys, this was a great article! Even if we consider our relationship not that much LDR, though it is a 4 hour
travel for where I lived to their house, we usually see each other a lot most especially if we have a lot of time, Yes she sleeps here in our house, I sleep in theirs, though she currently finding a work and Im on my last semester at my uni (We are actually classmates and that is where I met her and oh also we expect that we are going to graduate at the same time this last june but i suffer some difficulties that is why i didnt graduate at the same with her and our friends/classmates this last june Im looking forward to graduate this coming january which is im really excited to that is why im going to study hard this semester, This article is really helpful and currently right now im talking to her and we are planning our goals to achieve like planning vacation and traveling and doing a lot of things together, I know its early but time flies so fast! and we know it can happen at any moment so we are planning our goals. Thanks and really appreciate the help of this article and the help of both of you! God bless and Cheers from the Philippines! 🙂

Charles - July 24, 2019

Hey guys! thanks for the incredible article, Though we didnt think our relationship a LDR because its just a four hour trip from where I lived from their house we usually we meet a lot of times, In fact I sleep and go on a vacation a lot of times in their house, she also sleeps here a lot of times in our house! Also she is currently hunting a job because she just graduated this last june in fact we are actucally going to graduate both at the same time this last june with a lot of our friends (that is where i met her we are classmates on our classes :D) though I suffer some difficulties on my requirements that is why i didnt graduate i still attend the ceremony and supports all of them! Now im currently enrolled on my last sem on the univ and im going to study hard so I can graduate this coming january which im looking forward to! In fact im currently talking to her right now and we are planning to travel and take a lot of vacationing and planning for out future, I know its early but hey time flies so fast! Anything can at any moment and this article inspire me to work hard so we can achieve all of our goals together! Thank guys for this incredible article and sorry for the long message. Godbless your family and Cheers from the Philippines!:D

Christine - August 31, 2019

Hi. I’ve read your article and is really thankful upon reading it for it gave me more informations on how to deal with a LDR depression and how to really handle my girl that is also suffering with depression. Even if I really love to go there to see her, I just can’t do it yet. We’re both having a hard time to solve each other’s financial instability. I am really hoping for improvements for our relationship.

    Lolo & Nate - August 31, 2019

    Hi Christine,

    Thanks for the kind words, we’re glad it’s helped!

    Good on you for recognising that you need to make some changes before traveling to see each other. If you’re both not there yet financially, it’s not worth going into debt for and then having to deal with more problems down the road.

    There are some things you can do to help the process:

    1. Figure out how much it would cost for one of you to travel to the other.
    2. Based on your budgets, figure out how much you can put away each week or month.
    3. Calculate this against the cost to give you a timeline or end goal date.

    Having a savings goal and deadline will really help to keep you both on track and if you’re both able to split the cost, you can cut down the deadline significantly. So be sure to talk with your partner about that.

    To try and reach your savings goal even quicker, what else can you both do to pick up some extra income?

    1. Do you have items you don’t use anymore that would be perfect to list on Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace or eBay?
    2. Can you pick up an extra shift at work or do overtime?
    3. Is there anyone around you that’s looking for help with odd jobs?

    There are many ways you can help yourselves to reach your goal and if you’re truly dedicated to each other, you will find a way.

    Working on this together will be an amazing adventure, it’s setting something up to look forward to and reaching your goal will bring about a feeling of success.

    While it’s not a treatment, I think something like this can definitely help when it comes to how your partner is feeling.

    Being positive and accomplishing goals are very powerful when it comes to your mental health.

    Let us know if you have any questions, we’re here to help.

    Good luck!

Aaron Sumatra - September 6, 2019

Hi 🙂 I have a question… What can I do when my girlfriend is feeling melancholic? Our only means of “seeing” each other is through messenger or google hangouts. When she’s sad she tends to be close minded with the positive things and closes herself from the rest of the world. I would want to call her but she’s not into calling as well… Thank you! *nice article btw <3

    Lolo & Nate - September 8, 2019

    Hi Aaron,

    Thanks for the kind words! We’re glad you liked our article.

    It’s definitely normal to be closed off when you’re not feeling well. Being there for her in these times is really important and it’s great to see that you’ve noticed it and are wanting to help.

    It would be a good idea to bring some of these options to your girlfriend. Especially if you know of one or two that you think she would be interested in.

    Another option would be to go through our 7 Day LDR Challenge. It’s something that you can do together, which can be an amazing way to show your support and willingness to work on a common goal.

    If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out.

    Good luck!

Jenna - October 7, 2019

Hi Lolo & Nate!

This article is great! I’m definitely going to use it.

My boyfriend and I have been experiencing a lot of trouble in our relationship recently. We go to college six hours away from each other. During the summers and holidays, we are a 20-30 min drive away and spend every possible moment together. I love him so much and when we are with each other, we are both at our happiest. However, his depression has been getting to him. He is already clinically diagnosed and being apart from each other doesn’t make it any easier. This depression only gets worse for him when he is stressed out about classes (he’s trying to become a nurse). When he gets into these stressed periods, we come so close to breaking up because of the distance makes him that unhappy. I know there are many, many things we can do before breaking up. I’m supposed to see him in about a week and a half, but I’m afraid we won’t make it until then. I love him so much and I want this to work, I don’t want to lose him to sadness. He’s my best friend. He also prefers being alone so when I tell him to go out and try and make himself happier on his own, he much rather sit inside and study. While that’s fine, I can tell it’s not helping. I hope this article helps him. I ultimately want him to be happy and I hope I can be apart of that happiness.

Thank you again for this lovely article.

    Lolo & Nate - October 15, 2019

    Hey Jenna,

    Thanks for the kind words!

    Please let us know if he got some benefit from our article. We’d love to hear how he (and you) are going.

Flossie - January 30, 2020

Hi Lolo and Nate!

First of all I just wanted to say how touched I am that there are people out there like you who selflessly give up their time to create forums like this so that people can battle the issues that come with LDRs. I stumbled across this page in a time of need and I am so thankful that I did. I thought I’d share my story because reading these comments made me feel such a sense of community, and knowing that other have gone/are going through it makes me have faith that things do work out.

Myself (from the UK) and my boyfriend (from the US) met around 2 years ago now but have been together for just shy of 1 year. We met at University in the UK when he did his semester abroad for his undergraduate degree and he loved it so much that he came back to do his masters. That’s when we hit it off romantically and for the first 5 months we were inseparable, meeting up nearly every day and finding it hard to be apart for even a couple of hours. Back then we lived a 10 minute walk from one another – something we really took for granted.

My course ended and that meant moving back home. Home for me was a 4 hour train ride away and he had to stay at Uni to finish his studies. For the next 8 months we would take it in turns to journey to see each other, but once I got a job it soon became apparent that taking time off wasn’t going to be easy, and this particular train route was expensive. We took each month at a time and tried to make it so that there was never more than 3 weeks between seeing each other (we found that to be a manageable amount of time). For the most part, we were able to stick to that plan. I found that regularly updating one another on any changes in plans or free spots that came up was really useful.

Despite it being early in the relationship, we both agreed that we were in this for the long haul, and soon after finishing his studies, he began looking for full time work here in the UK in order to stay. However it was a difficult time of year to be looking for work (the lead up to Christmas), and despite applying to hundreds of jobs and receiving many job/interview offers, none of the companies felt they were in a position to provide support for him to come and work for them on a work visa.

All of this leads to today, when he left on his plane to head back to the US. His student visa expires at the end of the month so there is no viable way for him to stay – yet. We are both determined to find a way to make this work and build a life together in the UK. However, this has easily been one of the most emotionally charged days I’ve ever had, and knowing that he is so far away with so much uncertainty for the future I’m inevitably a mix of sad and anxious. I worry about financing visits to see one another because of the expense of flights, also making sure I can get time off work whilst balancing applying for my teacher training. Life is throwing a lot at us both right now, and even though we have been in tougher times together than this (surprisingly), the distance is the furthest its ever been between us and I just don’t want to lose him.

    Lolo & Nate - February 5, 2020

    Hi Flossie,

    Thanks for the kind words, we really appreciate it!

    Also, thank you for sharing your story here. It’s inspiring to see how your relationship has evolved and the determination you both have to making it work.

    We all go through the ups and downs after a visit. It can be easily amplified when we think of all the hurdles in front of us. The best advice I can give is to write these hurdles down with your partner and one by one, decide levels of priority and how you are going to tackle them.

    This will make it easier because you’re not trying to figure it out all on your own (and you shouldn’t be!).

    Let us know if you have any questions, we’re here to help.

    Good luck!

Kevin - June 3, 2020

Hi Lolo and Nate,

First thank you so much for writing this article. I was never one to read online guides or blogs about love and relationships but I was able to relate with so many of the points you raised in this article.

My girlfriend and I have been in a LDR for just over 5 years now. In fact, we started our relationship online – we knew each other before so it was a lot easier to connect.

Up until now, we have not had any major hurdles in our relationship. We met and went on vacations atleast once or twice a year. We had a goal and we were able to remain pretty stable.
There are times when the relationship was frustrating and sad but we knew we loved each other and after seeing each other, our relationship has always been rekindled with new vitality. However, my partner started feeling down and confused. The sadness of not being able to see me / hug me when she wants to, combined with work stress, academic pressure and even the current pandemic has negatively impacted her outlook on our relationship.

I have tried my best to reach out and understand her emotions but I think I am still lacking something. I tried to be the positive one and kept reinforcing her self-worth. The waiting has been difficult for her and I but I am confident that we can finally be together permnanently in a year’s time. I am now thinking that she may give up before that.

I guess my question would be, how do you help someone get out of so much negativity and what do you answer to someone who simply wants a hug that you cant give because of the distance?

Your thoughts will be highly appreciated. Thank your for the good work!


    Lolo & Nate - July 4, 2020

    Hi Kevin,

    Thanks for the kind words. We’re glad you were able to get something out of it!

    Also, well done on acknowledging that you need help. That’s a big step.

    It can be tough to see someone you love go through a rough patch, especially when it feels like nothing is working. But we can promise you it is working. This is something that doesn’t get fixed overnight and it will take time to work through it.

    The pandemic definitely isn’t helping long distance couples. BUT when you think about it, you’re the best equiped to see it through because you’ve already had to deal with being apart, and doing it successfully!

    If being together permanently in a year’s time is something you both see happening it might be time to make it a goal you both work towards. Take some time to agree on a time frame and what it will take to get there. In the long to medium term this will both give you something positive to immerse yourselves in.

    For the short term, maybe the Bond Touch bracelets could help you feel better connected when you can’t be together. When you’re missing those ‘hugs’ these can be a great way to let each other know that you’re in each other’s thoughts. Especially if work and academic stress is keeping you both from communicating more.

    Please reach out if you have any questions. We’re here to help.

    Good luck!

Jake Sanders - June 8, 2020

My girlfriend and i both in two different medical schools.So we rarely see each other .Plus we are keeping it a secret from our families so we arent able to text much too.She loves me and i her but im going through a rough patch and need someone to be there with me .She unable to do so . Im feeling upset and cannot focus on my work.But i dont wanna break it up or tell about this to her because i love her and this might hurt her .I dont know what to do.

    Lolo & Nate - July 4, 2020

    Hi Jake,

    Thanks for reaching out.

    Medical school, combined with an LDR can be both positive and negative. It can give you the space you need to focus on your studies, but like you said, it can also make it tough when you need support.

    Two things to think about. One, talk to your partner and let her know exactly how you’re feeling and see how you can both better support each other from a distance. Even if it’s an extra 5 minute call to check in on each other. It will be worth it. Two, does your school have a support system you can call upon? If so, you should also let them know about your situation to see if there is something they can do to help, or give you strategies to get through.

    Don’t forget that physical exercise is our friend. Whether it’s going for a run or getting back into a sport you used to play, it all helps to gain some mental clarity.

    Please reach out if you have any questions. We’re here to help.

    Good luck!

Neftaly De La Cruz - November 8, 2020

Hello, I really love the article. And from reading this I know that you have gone through a lot. I have been in a ldr for a year now. And we have overcome a lot over the pandemic. As of right now we both are still committed to continue. But there will be a time that we wont have time for each other as much. We both will work. We have plans and our goal is to meet each other by the end of next year. And we both have to help each other in order to see each other. But the thing is that even though we wont have time for each other. I don’t want my partner or Ito feel sad for not having time for each other. How can we stay strong no matter how much time we have for each other?

    Lolo & Nate - November 11, 2020

    Hi Neftaly,

    Thanks for the kind words and for reaching out!

    Congrats on reaching one year with your partner. Especially through the pandemic, this is something to be celebrated.

    It’s great to see that you’re both committed and that you have a goal to work towards together. This is super important as it shows you’re both thinking about the future, which is a really healthy and positive sign in a relationship.

    These things show that you’re already a strong couple. But to take it a step further and try remove any feelings of sadness or doubt when you don’t have as much time for one another, you need to do a few things.

    1. Figure out when ‘free time’ in your schedules overlap. Even if it’s 5 or 10 minutes. Use that time to message or talk to one another.
    2. Write messages even if one of you is busy. Your partner doesn’t need to be ‘available’ to read an email straight away.
    3. Try and set up a routine where you have one day a week or month to set aside a couple of hours to be with each other. Even if this means doing it early in the morning or late at night. Going that extra mile will mean the world to your partner and show that you’re both committed to making it work.

    If you have the time, you should also check out our 7 Day LDR Challenge for more helpful tips 🙂

    Good luck!

Yasmine Stella - November 13, 2020


This article is fantastic! It really helped me gather some ideas.

I’m a high school senior. I am currently dating a guy that I met almost 2 years ago! We’ve been a year together and went through a lot but always fixed everything together! I’m really proud of him and I’m proud of how strong our relationship is!

I live in japan and he does too. We go to the same school and see each other almost everyday! Due to the fact that we are seniors in HS, he will be leaving me for college this summer 2021. We already talked about it, but we didn’t really plan anything yet. I will be staying in japan till 2023 for 2 years and then if everything works out I’ll be with him in 2 years. Also I might visit him after the first year of college! I’m planning a lot already and we both worked a lot to save up to see each other. The only fact is that I AM SCARED TO LOSE HIM! He shows me the most love out of anybody else has ever done before for me; if I still here today is probably because of him taking care of my physical and mental health. I’m so grateful for him and he can’t stop thinking about what will happen once he leaves because he is so attached and he reminds me everyday of how much he loves me so I don’t forget!

Do you have any ideas on how to go through it as both College students with 0 experience on LDR?

Thank you so much!

Sending love,


    Lolo & Nate - November 13, 2020

    Hi Yasmine,

    Thanks for the kind words, it really means a lot to us 🙂

    Congrats on making it through the first year, especially during such a crazy time. You definitely should be proud!

    Simply put, LDRs are tough. So it’s good that you’re taking the time to think about what you both need to do to make it work. Going to college is a big step in many people’s lives. You’re becoming more independent and experiencing new things.

    You need to figure out a balance that allows both of you to get the most out of college, while also keeping up with your relationship.

    This is not an easy task! But it’s good to lay out a plan for things like video calls, visits etc.

    It’s highly likely that this plan won’t work when you get to college, but that’s ok! This gives you the framework to figure out what will work with your schedules. So it’s important to look at your situation as one that will evolve as studies and work increase.

    Like I said, it will be tough. But make sure you strike a balance so you’re getting the most out of your college experience.

    Good luck!

Daniel - December 10, 2020

Hi there,

First of all, thanks for writing this, I think there’s really some things you’ve said that can help lots of people with their relationship.

But what I wanted to ask you, is if you have any ideas on how to present this article to my girlfriend. We’ve now been dating for almost a year, so we started right as covid became a thing too. Before we met she had already been depressed for several years, for which she already gets professional help, but as of late I feel like it’s been going downhill. Travelling is quite difficult with both of us being in college so that surely doesn’t help.

For the past few weeks I’ve been searching online for things that might help her with feeling a little better, in general, but I don’t know how to really tell my findings to her, since I don’t want to make her feel like I don’t like her for who she is, because I really love her but I also know that sometimes she takes things too personal when I didn’t mean that in any way. I think that last bit is partly because of mostly chatting through whatsapp with text only and partly because of her depression.

I would really appreciate any help you can give me on this matter, because I just want to help her, but I don’t want it to backfire into her thinking something I did not mean.



    Lolo & Nate - December 15, 2020

    Hi Daniel,

    Thanks for the kind words and for reaching out, it means a lot to us!

    Without knowing your girlfriend or how she could potentially react, sending this article directly to her may not be the best approach. Especially if you’re also uncertain!

    Another option could be to utilize one or two of the potential solutions we’ve mentioned, but without mentioning that’s what you’re doing.

    For example, if she likes to read, buy two books so you can read them together and reflect on them through Whatsapp or video chat. This is a great way to open up to each other as you dive deeper into how the book makes you feel, which will eventually make the conversation flow into other topics.

    Giving is another great option that makes you feel good. Making a difference in someone else’s life can have a profound impact on your own. You could mention that you want to support someone on Kiva.org to start a business and that you’d love her help to find the right person. This turns it into something you can do together.

    Setting goals to work towards together is really important for your connection. It also helps to keep the mind motivated and stimulated in a positive way. It could be that you want to set the goal to visit each other at some point. You can work together to figure out when is best, what you will do and how much it will cost. Planning this all out will help you take small steps towards your goal and once achieved… well you can imagine just how good you’ll BOTH feel.

    These are just a couple of options, but the main point here is that you can implement them in a way that doesn’t tell her that she ‘needs help’.

    Please let us know if you have any other Qs, we’re here to help!

    Good luck!

Hannah - March 23, 2021

Really love this article – will save it as a reminder to look back on!!

My issue is my boyfriend has just moved overseas for work, it’s only been a day and I’m already struggling really bad. I’m finding it hard to have the motivation to do anything. Whereas I feel as though my boyfriend is feeling pretty comfortable with the whole situation. I’m super new to all of this and really don’t know what to do ;( would love some advice on how to stay positive and motivated even when it is the most lonely you’ve felt ever?? I just can’t seem to break the feeling

    Lolo & Nate - March 24, 2021

    Hey Hannah,

    Thanks for reaching out and for the kind words!

    First thing’s first, you are not alone. The majority of us have felt this way at some point and it’s great that you’re able to acknowledge it and are looking for solutions.

    It’s 100% ok to feel this way, especially in the beginning. It shows that you care deeply for your partner.

    As time passes you’ll start to get back into the routine of ‘life’ :).

    To help get there sooner I’d suggest talking with your partner about setting up a routine to video call. You may already be doing this, if so, great! You’ll likely find you have more time on your hands so immersing yourself in your passions/hobbies or something completely new can help to focus your mind on positive things. It may sound simple but it is really helpful as when you’re not doing anything it’s easy for the mind to wander and spiral into negative thoughts.

    When it comes to your partner, it may seem like he’s coping with the situation but I feel that’s because it’s his situation that’s ‘changing’. He’s the one that’s moved so his mind is on 1000s different things at the moment and he’s only got so much time to give to each of them. Now that’s not to say he isn’t struggling and that may come out once he’s settled in. If it does, it will be super important for you to be there to help him through to the other side, which is what you’re going through now.

    It will be tough. But that shows us that it’s worth it!

    Please reach out if you have any Qs. We’re here to help 🙂

    Good luck!


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